The Wierdest Pregnancy Symptom...

Once I get cold, I can't get warmed up and this is pretty much every evening. Last night I went to bed with pj's (don't usually wear them TMI!) and another blanket/comforter doubled over on my side. It's usually worse in my hands and back. We were out to dinner last night and SA was HOT! (temp wise) I kept trying to climb into his lap which really wasn't appropriate at a restaurant so I had to settle moving his hands all around my hands and arms. I am half tempted to go get a heated throw to carry with me at work and home. My only concern about that and my heated car seat is if it makes it to warm for beaker and if I am "cooking" him?

Panic Attack....

Yep I had one yesterday.... Over the cost of daycare. Daycare centers are running at a minimum of $250 for an infant. One month of daycare is more than one of my twice monthly paychecks. How does anyone afford having more than one kid. Thank goodness when SA got home, we googled in home daycares and found that they tend to run about $100 cheaper and my MIL doesn't work Mondays and would be willing to help us on Mondays. Don't get me wrong, I think my child is worth every penny by my god it was shocking.

Bandit has it soooo bad!

Ok so for anyone who doesn't know (and that would be most anyone who reads this blog) that we are not suppose to have a puppy where we live. SA has always wanted a dog, loves dogs, grew up with dogs etc. When a Shiz Tzu puppy became available on Crai.gs L.ist for a reasonable price, SA jumped on it with my blessing. I mean come on, how much trouble can a 10lb dog be to train to potty on a mat. Well fast foward to 35lbs, more like a tibetan terrior, and a dog who refuses to go indoors (thank goodness) and you have Bandit. We love him to pieces and he spends most of his time at our in-laws but he does have to come home one night a week and on the weekends. He comes in and out of our house (not in plain sight) and gets to go to the bathroom all he wants. Where he has it so bad is the fact that when we are waiting for SA to get home, he has to stay in the bedroom so that he doesn't go racing to the door. He is now in the bedroom, whining pathetically to be let out. Love the little bugger but he really doesn't have it that bad!

As I lay here in bed...

after I have taken my progesterone, I ponder this. If I switched my hours at work (temporarily) I could sleep in but then I wouldn't get rock star parking at work. Such worries I tell you! Right now I get to work at 7:00a so the alarm starts going off at 5:00 am and I am up by 5:30a. If I went to work at 8:00a I could sleep until 6:00. Don't know if I would feel any better but something worth thinking about. My issue (besides the parking) is that I love getting off at 4:00p and I am home by 4:30p. All right that seals it, work schedule stays the same. Guess that means I will have to go to bed by 8:30 - 9:00 or get a better nap in when I get home.

Wow, I didn't do a darn thing

the last three days. Pretty much sat on my butt or napped the long weekend away. I did get my DVR pretty cleaned off. Can't keep doing that. Too much to do. Although I am grateful for my job, I would really love to have the option not to work so I could stay home a goof off most of the time. Oh well. Off to work today and then home to crash!

So tired....

Not complaining just wondering how Beaker has sucked my brain and energy already when I am not quite five weeks yet. Is this how the rest of the nine months is gonna be? I sure hope not, I need to be able to work and sound like I know what I am doing and getting simple words out of my mouth. Not that I wasn't tired before Beaker but man on man. Guess I am going to have to go to bed at 8:00 instead of 9:00. All worth it in the end!

MMMMM....Waffles....

Watching Throw.down with B.obby Flay on the F.ood Ne.twork and they are doing waffles. They look soooo nummy. Had soup for dinner and was satisfied until the damn waffles. I don't even think I am a big waffle fan either but boy these things look good. Guess I will have to settle for my col.d sto.ne ice cream from last night!

Progesterone....

I am laying in bed playing on the computer waiting out my 10 minute before I can get up and get dressed. Well at least I got up a half hour early for this 10 minute wait so maybe just maybe I will be to work early.

Beta is back

and I am officially pregnant with a beta of 562 at 16DPIUI! I am super happy at that part but the bummer part is that my progesterone was at 8.7. The normal ranges that I have found are between 9-200. I am going to be taking an oral progesterone and using it vaginally twice a day. Not too excited about it but I will do anything at this point to make sure we get to keep Beaker. Now if the prescription could just get called in so I can start it tonight like I am suppose to, I would be a happy camper.

On a funny note... SA was soooo funny today. He kept calling me asking if the clinic had called me. He was just bouncing. He can't wait to tell people which I am a little nervous about especially with the low progesterone.

Our first pregnancy ultrasound is scheduled for February 9. Only three more weeks!!!

Well, after three postive tests....

SA has decided, that yes indeed I am pregnant and he doesn't need blood work to prove otherwise. We are still cautiously optimistic and can't wait for our first pregnancy appointment with the RE. I called and left a message yesterday (Saturday) but I am sure they won't call back until Monday which is fine since I am still in Missouri until Monday p.m.

On an un-baby note. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time in Missouri. Playing with all my nieces and nephews. It just makes my heart swell with the little moments. Like cuddling with my niece or being told how much she looks just like me. (Poor kid!)



Or watching the other niece, yell at her brother, because he "was hurting his friend" (me) with his blowup guitar.

Or the aforementioned brother, finally remembering me (long story involving alcohol, my brother who is no longer present in his life, and a very gracious mother who lets him and her other children be in our life regardless of parental rights being given up.)and playing with me, giggling with me and not shying away.

It just made my heart swell. This trip was good and although I will be sad to go home, I can't wait to get home to SA.

Safely in Missouri....

for a few days. We had one more free round trip airline ticket that needed to be used up and the trip was planned before we got our BFP. I took another test this am and the 2nd line (although still faint) was still there so yesterday wasn't a fluke. I will do another test tomorrow morning and then call the RE for lab work. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night starving, so much so it was painful. However, with the lapband I can't eat and then back down. All I could do was reposition myself and hope that it did go away, which it did eventually.

Wheresmystork, I tried to comment on your husband question and it wouldn't let me so I will answer it here. My husband has been very stoic through all of this. He was diagnosed with azoospermia this summer and was the first one to say, then we will do donor sperm. I wasn't quite ready at that point but have obviously gotten there. He is still being stoic. He isn't ready to get excited about the BFP until we go in for the beta, because he will have to pick up the pieces if something happens. For about the first 24 hours of the azoospermia diagnosis he was down but that didn't last long because he had to pick up "my pieces." Have I seen him tear up, yes, when we watched the Marley movie but he tends to be my rock.

OMG OMG OMG!!!!

Do you see the 2nd line? It's faint but it's there!!!!!!

If I didn't know better....

I would swear that AF is going to rear her ugly head any day now. I have been extremely bitchy (and I do mean bitchy) today and I have been AF cramping all day. TMI Warning.... and you know that feeling when something is leaking out, well I have had that all day but with CM. I know I am not out until the fat lady sings but I am not holding out much hope at this point. I am taking my last test tomorrow am before I board a plane to Missouri. At that point, I will just have to wait until I get back on Monday to test again if she hasn't shown her head!

On a funny side, http://999reasonstolaughatinfertility.blogspot.com/ posted acronyms several days ago... Wonder if anyone can figure this one out...

IWPOASTTADUIGMP!

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I will pee on a stick ten times a day until I get my positive!

Sooooo....

the heartburn is back again today, along with a new canker sore (I NEVER get them) and the band is tight again this afternoon. I broke down and tested again this afternoon and of course it was negative. (9DPO) What I am beginning to wonder (giving me a small glimmer of hope) is if I have a hard time with catching the LH on the OPK, I wonder if the hCG would have a hard time showing this early (if I were indeed pregnant.) I know it's still early for any pregnancy but just something to make you go hmmmmm...

FF has my pregnancy points at 55, so I guess I have a 55% chance of being pregnant this cycle at this point! Hahaha, I could have told you that! Either you are or you aren't which gives you 50%.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

It's so hard.....

Not to sike myself out... Every little bit of heartburn, every little bit of cramping, every little bit of headache... Ohhhh wait I must be pregnant, oh wait it's still to early. Don't think I haven't tested, which is entirely stupid to have tested 4x before 7dpo. All negative of course but then I expected that. I was hoping that they would make the symptoms disappear. They do, for about a day and then they come back. Just hope that these are good signs. One sign that I haven't seen and should be seeing soon is if the band gets tight. It always gets tight with AF and makes it hard to eat. (Not such a bad thing when you are trying to lose weight). So far that wonderful AF symptom has stayed away. I am out of HPT tests so I will have to go buy more before I can test again. Wonder if I can hold out until Thursday am, when I would expect AF to show?

Spoke too soon! The band is very tight this morning!

My new anthem!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Bra Color

Wondering what the meaning of those “Leopard,” “Blue” and “Pink” Facebook status updates are? I was confused all day, figured I’d sort it out sooner or later, and then I broke down and googled it. Found out the hues represent bra colors. So, like every good Facebooker, I played along by peeking in my shirt and updating my status: Pink

What I turned up on the Internet is that the purpose of this color thing is to simply raise awareness of breast cancer. Not sure how it all got started, but here’s what you should do if you’re a girl (or boy who wears a bra): Look at your bra, note the color, type it in your FB status bar, then feel those boobies.

Are you game? Hope so.

In for another fill....

And I gained another 10lbs in the last month. Not good, so we tweaked .2 up. We started out a .5 up but I just couldn't get that last dixie cup of water down. Can't keep this gaining weight! I lost 170lbs total and now have gained 40 of those back! I get so disgusted with myself. I go back in February for another tweak. I have to get this food thing under control so that I don't gain an obnoxious am0unt of weight during any pregnancy!

Gotta love families....

SA's grandma had her 2nd stroke after the New Year and thank goodness it wasn't nearly has severe as the first one. Some neighbor found her walking the hallways and called my MIL. We saw her yesterday, she can't walk by herself, has trouble remembering her words and slurs a little bit when she gets tired. All to be expected after a stroke, but she can still read and she is pretty clear after she rests a bit.

SA's biatch cousin, whom we haven't seen since before our wedding reception 5.5 years ago (long story) showed up while we were there. Didn't say hello to us, wouldn't make eye contact, etc. The aura in the room instantly changed as soon as she walked in. MIL had to leave the room but SA and I stayed because neither one of us had a good feeling. Becky chose her words very carefully while we were there and even while the social worker was there. The coward that she is, waited until everyone left and then proceeded to berate grandma who happens to be 87 years old. The yelling escalated so much that the nurse had to step in the room to find out what the hell was going on.

This is a woman who is recovering from her 2nd stroke, heart valves are failing, contemplating a pacemaker and is getting yelled at by a granddaughter who didn't have the time of day for 4-5 years until she gained some sembalence of a conscious.

Becky also had the nerve to tell grandma that her youngest son just lost his job and was on the verge of suicide. Only partially right. What is she going to tell her next that her oldest great grandchild is in jail for statutory rape? Will this woman stop at anything to kill her grandmother?

Thank goodness, my MIL is still with her and won't leave her with Becky again!

On a side note, my MIL wants to tell grandma that we are pregnant (even though we aren't officially) to give her some good news and give her something to look forward to. Uhhhh, gee thanks for the pressure!

We did it!

I made it through the first IUI. The sperm was 27.5 million post wash which is excellent for frozen sperm. I did find out that I have a curved cervix and was being quite difficult. So much so that she had to grab a devise to try to stabilize it. It hurt the first time she tried to put it in. But once the nurse started over again she didn't need to use it. The CM was plentiful which is good because we got the timing right.

Now for the TWW. I barely made it two hours before I was going stir crazy. Took BB to see a movie and then back home again. I had some mild cramping about 6 hours later but that has since gone away too.

On a sad note, SA's grandma had another stroke today and the family is up in arms on her care from here.

It's as close as we are gonna get....

The sticks are showing a surge at 2:00p and then at 5:00p the lines were fading. So we are calling a + and going ahead with the DIUI tomorrow. Cross your fingers and your toes!!!!

TMI that I am sure of!!!

Well the CM is plentiful today! I totally expect a + OPK stick today or tomorrow. Hard to believe that we will be on our way to TTC our first child again. I am very excited about the opportunity but still saddened that I will never know what SA biological children will look like. I know our children will be SA's in every way possible except that one. I will be so screwed because I know our children will be blessed with his sense of humor. You don't get that from sperm, you get that from the environment. Want to know how I know? Because BB has gained SA's sense of humor over these last few years.

So as I (or we, if SA pays attention), wait with bated breath for that elusive +!