Sadness

SA's grandmother passed away today. She was with her youngest son talking about S.P.A.M., coughed and then was gone. They think she probably had a massive stroke. This was a long time coming. We thought she was a "goner" a week after Teddy was born when she hadn't had a chance to meet him. We were fortunate enough that she lasted a couple more months and we had a couple of chances for them to bond. She was from Australia and met SA's grandfather when he was there during WWII. She loved to visit with everyone and cause lots of family drama. She will be missed!

Pumping

I am pretty proud of myself, I have been successfull pumping for 11 weeks now. Looking at on-line groups on FF, most people say that pumping is such hard work. I don't see it as hard-work (a little tedious at times.) Heck, while I am at work, it is a good excuse to get up from my desk for 20 minutes. Granted the mother's room isn't the nicest or cleanest but.... I get to watch Tudors at work 40 minutes a day. Who else can say that??? I try to pump 5x a day...

5:00a when I get up for the day
9:00a first pump at work
1:00p second pump at work
5:00p when I get home for the day
10:00 right before bed

On the weekends, I pump when Teddy gets up for his nighttime bottle instead of 5:00a. This allows me to sleep a little longer which is sooooo needed.

This allows me to give Teddy 6 - 4oz bottles a day plus 6-12 oz to go into the huge freezer stash. I am hoping to be able continue this until Teddy is 9 months!

Any Questions of me?

I follow a ton of blogs and have seen a lot of people do this.... Is there anything you want to know about me, SA, Teddy, Infertility, Weight Loss Surgery etc? Please feel free to post them to me and I will do my best to answer.

Thanksgiving

Hope everyone had a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

Stuck at Work...

It is sleeting/snowing here on the day before Thanksgiving... They usually let us "out" earlier on "holidays" but I guess not today. Total bummer which means my drive home is going to be a disaster!

However, I must say that I am thankful to be stuck at work because that means that I am lucky enough to have a job in these tough economic times. Although, we are by no means rich, we have enough to pay our bills and keep the roof over our head. We haven't had to borrow any money to get through adding daycare to our monthly bills.

Trying to Break Bad Habits Already....

Teddy loves to sleep with mom and dad....Love my kid but this is the only way he really sleeps good. I am talking 7 hours in my arms versus 3-4 hours in his crib. What's a gal to do? We put him to bed earlier tonight so that I could put in the crib several times before he would go down. At least then I could have a couple of hours before it is time for me to go to bed. Not sure that he will make it all night in the crib but at least this way I may be able to get a couple hours of sleep before he gets to come to lay in bed with mom and dad.

Another Day....

Another dollar... That's all work is now... Just a means to an end.... Just a way to pay the bills. Not that I ever strived for a fancy career but definitely not so much now. Just get me in and get me out. I told my boss at my review last year (after I found out I was pregnant) that I wanted a job change after my maternity leave is over. Now, I am not so sure but they already have offered the temp who covered my leave my job. No idea what I will be doing. The only thing is that I hope it will be an increase in pay and we could always use money.

Failure

I already feel like I am failing and I have only been back to work for two days. I feel like I am failing Teddy, SA, the house, me and work. Not working is not an option, I am the bread winner and I carry the insurance. SA takes Teddy to daycare in the morning and I do everything I can to make it as easy as possible for him the night before. I am trying to get as much done the night before so that I can get myself out the door on time without having to get up at 4:00 in the morning. I am trying to break the house up into "quadrants" so that we focus on one are of the house a week. This way we don't spend hours on the weekend cleaning the whole house. Where our house might not be clean all the time, an area of the house will have at least been cleaned in the last four weeks. (Wish I could hire a cleaner but I don't have the money!) All of this so I can spend quality time with Teddy but at the same time, I don't feel like I have any quality time with him. Then I realized today, that I am not asking for help. I told SA my frustration and he really picked up the ball tonight to help. I just need to ask for help and I am not so good at that....

Never thought....

I would enjoy a quiet Saturday at home as much as I did today. Got to cuddle with Teddy and he wasn't crabby like he has been the last two nights after being away from home all day. Amazing what a change like that can make in mood. Off to church tomorrow! Night all!

TGIF...

Been a long short week and I am exhausted! I think SA is going to let me sleep-in in the morning and take care of Teddy for me. Can't wait!

Well I Made It...

Today wasn't as tough as I thought it would be, but that was because Teddy went to my MIL's instead of daycare. She was staying home sick and he hasn't been feeling well, so we thought it would be best. I only called twice (once with SA and once with MIL) during the day and of course he was fine.

The sad or funny thing depending on how you want to look at it.... When I picked him up from my MIL's lap, he started crying. He was fine in the car seat and then again in the swing until he got cranky. SA handed him to me while I pumped and then he got really pissed and screamed until Dad picked him up. Kind of felt like I was being punished, I know he's too young to know better.

Evening with Monkey boy go fast! Can't wait for the weekend!

Ughhhh....

Teddy is sick, I am sick and I go back to work tomorrow. Not what I call fun. Oh well, I will try to post about our first day tomorrow!

Glad to be home....

What a long weekend and we are so glad to be home and back to our schedule. We are starting test runs for the next couple of days before I return to work. (I may have to start back Thursday rather than Friday because I lost a day of vacation.) So after I get up and do my thing, I am technically gone and unavailable to help with Teddy until after Scott leaves for work. It will be interesting to see what Scott does with Teddy and how they do together.

I am going to miss those first morning feedings. That is when Teddy is the most happiest and most vocal. He makes little piggy noises when he eats his bottle and it totally cracks me up.

We go for our two month appointment today and get our shots. I am sure it will be just as hard on me as it is on him!

On the Road Home

Half way through a 10 hour drive home. Teddy is doing well with the drive but ready to be home just like the rest of us.....





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The Whole Famn Damily!

Family

Huh, apparently, my step-mom put the kabosh on any more drinking for the weekend. Thank goodness because his drinking makes me nervous (another story for another day.) What a great day filled with family, love and laughter. We took family pictures and I will try to post them when I get copies from my step-mommy. Teddy is sleeping and it's time for me to go to bed too! Until tomorrow!!!!

Ugh!

Nothing says welcome like your alcoholic father meeting you at the car reeking of alcohol. Gonna be a great weekend!!!


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The Trip That Wasn't Meant to Be

Off to visit family with an infant that hasn't felt well and 4-7 inches of snow in the forecast.... Maybe we should have stayed home....




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First Fever

Teddy has his second cold with his first fever. All he does is sleep and barely wants to eat. I feel so bad for the little guy!

Happy Two Month Birthday Teddy

I have seen this on another Blog and thought I would try it myself so here I go...

Dear Teddy Bear -

Hard to believe that just two months ago you entered this world and changed our lives forever! You have grown so much, I love the way you smiled after you woke up from your three hour nap yesterday. I love the way you talk while you are eating your morning bottles.

You don't like your bathes yet, but we are hoping that changes as you are starting to get one every day as part of your night time routine. You are starting to go to sleep at night like a pro and with a little bit more time, you will be sleeping through the night.

Soon you will start daycare and our exclusive day time will come to an end and Mommy is very sad about this. Although it hasn't always been easy, I have loved every minute of it. I am very jealous of the daycare ladies who will get to snuggle and kiss on you all day. It just breaks my heart that I won't get to wake you up everyday.

Will you understand that Mommy still loves you with all of her heart? Will you remember me when I pick you up? Will you be angry with me for leaving you all day?

Love you my Teddy Bear...

Your very tearful Mommy

Birth Story - Way Delayed - Part 1

I was just reading a birth story and realized that I never posted mine from 2 months ago. Yep that's right, Teddy Bear entered our life just 2 short months ago. Here we go...

My blood pressure had been playing games with me and I had been to labor and delivery several times, only to be told, that I am not sick enough for them to induce me, the last time being the Saturday before Labor and Delivery. They finally decided that at 37 weeks, I should get an amniocentesis to see if Teddy's lungs were fully developed and it was scheduled for the Saturday after Labor Day. SA had to work and I didn't want to go alone, so my mom agreed to come along with me.

Before they could do the amniocentesis, they did a stress test where they measure the baby's movements and amniotic fluid and rate baby and I on a scale of 10. When they went to measure the amniotic fluid, there wasn't enough for them to be able to do the amniocentesis and I failed the test. We were finally "sick" enough to get the show on the road. Mom and I were immediatley sent over to Labor and Delivery.

I Can't Imagine.... Solution

So my sister did the "mature" thing and let my step-mom decide what she was going to do because she couldn't rationally do it. So last night, my dad and step-mom went into town, packed her belongings and moved my sister, niece and nephew 30 miles down the road and in with them for three to six months to allow Jen time to make a rational decision. In my opinion, this is best case scenario. As much as I would love to have my niece (and nephew) here close to us, not in this situation and not without my nephew. Hopefully this will allow Jen to evaluate her life and determine what is best for both her and her two children.

This isn't the first time, Jen, has thought it would be okay to just leave her kids (whom she loves dearly, trust me) with family because it would just be easier for her. She really needs to quit looking at what would be easier for her and look out for the well-being of her children. Whenever things get tough, Jen wants to run away. (She did this a lot as a teenager.) Being an adult and a parent pretty much dictates that you can't do this anymore.

We will be going to visit them soon. This move just makes it easier because most of my family will be under one roof.

I Can't Imagine....

This kind of hurt. My mom received a call from my sister Jen asking if she could come live with my mom (moving from Missouri) because she found out her boyfriend of seven years whom she is in the process of breaking up with has a new girlfriend and she can't be around it. She would bring her ten year old daughter but leave her two year old son with the dad because he's a daddy's boy. I can't imagine enough hurt would ever make me leave my son...


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Sleep

I find it amazing (while I am pumping at 4:00 in the morning) how well I am doing with limited amounts of sleep. I love to sleep, always have. I was sleeping through the night at two weeks old. Before I got pregnant I would sleep 12 hours a night on the weekends, once I was pregnant it went down because once I would get up for the bathroom, what was the point in going back to bed. Now I am down to about 6 hours, still functioning but at a slower pace. My one reservation about having a baby was it's impediment into my sleep. We have done well so far, just wish my son had my love for sleep too!




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To Caffeine or Not to Caffeine....

Oh how I miss caffeine but I gave it up a month before I got pregnant with Theodore to avoid the withdrawl headaches. (1 large coffee from Car.i.bou, several cans or bottles of Dt Pep.si and regular ice tea.) Basically I was a walking source of caffeine. Because I knew it was bad for baby and I, I gave it up and really only attempted it once after he was born. He is exclusively getting breast milk and I only had a little (not even thinking about it.) He was so irritable, that I have not attempted it again.

With going back to work and getting limited sleep, I am wondering if I can start to have it again. Let's be honest, I could leave that caffeinated milk for when he is at daycare and let them deal with the repercussions. (That sounds really mean and very bad of me.)

However, I haven't had it in so long, do I really need it or just want it. If I start to allow caffeine again into my diet, it means I cut down on water consumption which I need to keep up for the breast milk and I would eventually have to go off of it again.

So for now, I will try to be a good girl and not have it. Can't make that promise once I get back to work but only time will tell.

Fa.cebo.ok.... The New Evil???

Have you ever seen posts like this on Fa.cebo.ok? I have and it disheartens me. Although, I am not infertile myself, through my husband we are an infertile couple.

But wait, we have a child. In case you are not familiar with our story, our son was conceived with Donor Sperm via an IUI on our first try. Although, we were very lucky, our initial diagnosis was still heartbreaking as both SA and I had weight loss surgery so we could conceive a child and had waited 6 years into our marriage to actually try. Little did we know that this would be impossible.

Needless to say when we were actually able to get pregnant on our first try we considered ourselves very blessed and enjoyed every minute of our pregnancy and the first eight weeks of Teddy's life. You will never find me bemoaning about being miserable during the pregnancy, or wanting to the pregnancy just done with, or about the fact that Teddy has colic. None of these "small things" are worth sweating because the minute we get that smile, it is all worth it.

Others might not always like my status because it reminds them that they don't have those happy moments we do but you will NEVER find me complaining!!!

5:00 AM

So, I go back to work in 15 days (TEAR) and thought I better start getting Teddy and I adjusted to that new schedule. Can I say that 5:00 comes way too quick? Teddy isn't quite sleeping through the night yet, so between the 10:00 pumping session and a bottle feeding somewhere in there, I will get about 6 hours of sleep. I am use to 9-10 both before birth and after because I could sleep whenever I wanted. This is day three of the new schedule and I am starting to feel it. I wish I was one of those people that could just jump right out of bed when the alarm goes off but I am a snoozer. Before Teddy was born I would hit the snooze for an hour. Not so much anymore and I would really like to get down to one snooze. I am thinking that the alarm has to go off by 4:45a so that I can at least hit snooze twice and still get up on time. Ugh... 15 days and counting!

I think this poem says it all. I am looking forward to returning to work but I am going to miss so much!


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Don't Forget to Vote

Regardless of who you are politically affiliated with or who you will vote for, VOTE! It is our right and obligation as citizens of the United States to vote. Have your voice heard and VOTE!!!

On a side note, I can't wait for the political bashing ads to just go away!!!!

1st Halloween

Of course because Teddy is so young, we didn't take him door to door. Instead we hung out at my in-laws and he met a new "friend." This picture says it all!