Nursery Pictures

View as you come in the door of the nursery.


View of the crib (the fabric in the crib will eventually be the crib ruffle.)

Mother Goose Cards hanging above the crib.

Other end of the crib (You can see the closet and the door)

The rocker (with a quilt that I made using my grandma's singer that she got as a wedding gift) and a bookshelf with a few books from my childhood.

The Mother Goose quilt I made over the changing table.

Another view of the changing table with stuff that my sister has given me.

The dresser with nick knack shelves above.

All I have left to do is make the crib ruffle and finish the mother goose cross stitch that I have, which won't be done until after the baby is born because we need birth info.

Overall I am pretty happy with the room and feel very comfortable in it myself. Of course after it is all done, my MIL brings up the fact that it might be overstimulating for the baby. That's what you get when you have a MIL that works for the inner city school district with special needs. Oh well, all I can hope is that the baby and I can enjoy the room together.

How sick am I....

One of my favorite movies... This is what I think of every time the baby moves. How sick am I?

Spaceballs - Alien Scene

Well, we found out...

It's a boy! Theod.ore Pe.ter (named after SA's grandfather and stepdad). There is no denying that this kid is a boy, so there won't be any surprises later. This kid is big - 1lb 4oz - at 22 weeks. Thank goodness we could talk to my ob right after and know that they won't let him get to terribly big. However, reading on Dr. Goo.gle, there seems to be a lot of error with ultrasound weights, which might be in our favor. She is very emphatic that I not have a c-section because of my weight (and weight loss i.e. extra skin and such) and will do everything she can to get me through natural child birth. The scary thing is that she looks like she is due about the same time as me. So now I am wondering if she will even be around to get me through natural child birth. Why do OB's have to go and get pregnant? LOL, oh well, even if she wasn't due then, she wouldn't necessarily be the one to deliver me anyways. Fun stuff... Guess it could be soooooooooo much worse!

Today we have our 5th Ultrasound...

Our 2nd big one where we can find out gender. Up until recently we have been pretty adamant about not finding out. After this weekend, not so sure. We tried shopping for gender neutral stuff at garage sales and Onc.e Up.on A Chi.ld and it was hard. It's either boy stuff or girl stuff. As SA said, "in the olden days" when no one found out what they were having, it was much easier. So I think we may cave and find out today.

Totally FREAKIN Out....

I read on one of my IF boards or maybe even a blog about the cry technique for the animals. You play a baby crying (like from u.tu.be) and get the animals use to the noise. It did not freak the animals out but it sure freaked me out. Thank goodness I have four more months left of the pregnancy so that I can do the cry technique with me. Please don't get me wrong, this baby is very wanted and very loved but somehow I "forgot" about the crying. Don't ask me how, I was there when BB was born and I was his daycare for his first year, but somehow I "forgot" about the crying. The video literally sent me into a panic. I am going to be 100% (ok with SA too) for this baby's care. I can't send it away when I can't handle the crying anymore, I will be the one waking up in the middle of the night to sooth, comfort, change and feed our baby. I get it and will have to be "ready" whether or not I want to be. But I am truly panicked. How am I going to do this? I didn't get the nickname "Princess" or have personalized plates that said "All About Me" for no reason. Please someone, tell me this is normal, that it is ok for me to be panicked and that it doesn't make me a bad person.

Oh and as a side note, it is freaking SA out that I am freaking out about the crying. Great! Now lets have a household of freaked out people, but the animals are fine. Grreeaaatttt!!!!

I am so angry!!!!

Have any of you heard of D.onna Sim.pson? Go.ogle her... She is attempting to become the worlds fattest mom. Cuurently at 600+lbs, her goal is 1,000!!!!! She has a two children, one of which she had at 500+, and her husband supports her goal 100%. WTF is wrong with these people. What are they going to tell her children when she dies? On top of this, she is doing a radio tour and then hangs up when asked about the irresponsibility of this!?!?! OMG! I am a plus size woman myself and not a small one but would NEVER think about doing this to my family! For Petes sake I had weight loss surgery so that I could be healthy to carry this child!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Nothing new on this front....

The pregnancy is moving along nicely, knock on wood. I like to think I am a positive person, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I read so many other blogs where it has and I just can't believe our "luck" so far. Other than migraines which I suffered from before I got pregnant, I really have been healthy and felt "unpregnant." That is until I get a big kick(s) to remind me that I am. I am totally grateful for the lack of events and even feel guilty that we have been this lucky. We got pregnant on our first try and we are 21 weeks with no catastrophes of any sort. I thank God everyday for this chance but still wonder when the shoe is going to drop. All I know is that we have three more weeks and then we are viable. No shoe dropping until then and preferably for 16 weeks after that.

Sorry for the ramblings!

Ultrasound Pictures

Spinal Cord

Profile

Nose & Lips

Baby Face Down

Feet

Back side of baby

Baby looks good... Measuring right for the due date... 9ozs, very active little bugger... I get to go back in a month, they couldn't get good pictures of the heart because baby is laying face down and a mover

Saturday Morning Ramblings

Good morning all.... It's storming in Minnesota, DH is still sleeping along with my teenage brother and the house is very quiet and has a wonderful feeling this morning.

We are two days away from seeing our baby and I am very nervous. Because of my extra fluffiness, we are having a level II Ultrasound which is for High Risk Pregnancy. I am bummed to be labeled High Risk but I am hoping that I can get them to change that. My blood pressure has been good. Since my latest band adjustment, my weight gain has stopped and in fact I am losing again. (If the doctor says anything about losing weight, I am gonna hurt someone.) My first Glucose test came back negative for diabetes. The only indication of High Risk at this time is my weight, and my OB had said she wouldn't label my High Risk because of my weight.

All in all my pregnancy is going so much better than I could have asked for. "He" is very active, and I feel him several times a day.

I have a hard time believing how far we came in a year. I spent most of last summer in an utter depression. Everything else in our life has never been easy, why would God do this to us? Now I look at it, we get to choose our child, we had to work harder for our child, but this baby is already so loved, so cared for and so on. If we had it easy, would we really appreciate the miracle that god has entrusted us with? I am not so sure.

I still struggle with the fact (and it is only me) that this baby, although will be 100% my DH's child, that it isn't his biologically. I still mourn over the fact that I will never get to see what our genetic children will look like. This struggle gets less and less everyday and I am hoping that once, Beaker is born, that the thought will never cross my mind again. I am very grateful to DH to jump on the DS wagon so easily and without any hesitation.

I wish I had something exciting to post about....

but I really don't. I am progressing nicely (at least in my book.) I have been nesting quite a bit so we have been cleaning and tossing and donating and cleaning more. My foot has been killing me, I have plantar fasciitis. I love my sandals but they don't love me. We have our "big" anatomy ultrasound in two weeks. Hmmmm.... I will have to try to find something more interesting to post about! SORRY!!!!

I passed with flying colors!

Fasting = 80 (should be under 95)

1 Hour = 132 (180)

2 Hour = 77 (155)

3 Hour = 65 (140).

No wonder I felt so crappy when I was done! If they think that I will do the three hour test again with a blood sugar under 140 on the screening they can kiss my arse!!!

Three Hour Glucose Test

I know this needed to be done, but I sure hope that I don't have to do it again. As one of my friends put it, making a pregnant woman fast, it cruel and unusual punishment. It didn't help that Brom Hilda kept drawing blood from the same arm and same spot. I have a welt the size of a quarter and its growing.

I decided to take the afternoon off of work because I felt so icky after the test. I stopped and got myself a decaf Car.ibou treat and that always makes me feel better. Lets hope I don't have the Gestational Diabetes because those would have to be one of the first things to go. Perish that thought right out of here!!!

Now just waiting for my pizza to get here (the only thing that sounded good) and then I am going to curl up with my book for a quiet afternoon by myself.

Home at Last!

After a long weekend in Missouri, we are home. There is no place like home. It is always nice to visit other places, friends and family, but there is still no place like home!

Well I failed....

I failed my gestational diabetes screening and have to do the three hour test. Yeah, more sugary crap!

Seriously, I'm Pregnant?

Could have fulled me.... I don't feel pregnant other than the bloating and weight gain. But let's be honest about that, I can do both on my own without any help from Beaker or the hormones. No morning sickness, no more headaches (except for the current migraine, which I got before I got pregnant.) Nothing! Is this common? I sure hope so and I hope it changes soon!

Another Quilt Quilted....

I made two of these! Both for our good friends who have three year old boys that recently graduated to big boy beds.

Okay so it wasn't as bad as I thought....

Up until this afternoon, I believed that I had gained 30lbs over the last six weeks since fluid was taken out of my band. Saw the surgeon today and said, "I don't care who you are, 30lbs in six weeks even if you are pregnant is not acceptable." He said, "What 30lbs? Our scale shows only 22lbs gained and you lost 9lbs the first 5wks of pregnancy." So in reality, over 11 weeks of pregnancy I have only gained 13lbs. I can live with this. He did put fluid back in the band. Half way between where I was at the beginning and where he left me. Hopefully, this will leave me feeling a little bit more satisfied.

Back home again

after a long quilting weekend in Hinckley. Had an ok time but I actually missed my mom who has been driving me nuts for months. The only scary thing that happened was my missing feet. They left each day after lunch and stubs and pain appeared in their place. They returned each morning but still don't know where they disappeared to each afternoon. I know that edema is common in pregancy but this was scary for me. I was drinking plenty of liquids and walked about every hour. I will have to watch this over the next couple of days and if this continues, I will have to call my OB.

On a side note, I go for a fill on Tuesday. Not sure this is gonna help with the rapid weight gain but it can't hurt at this point.

Got to see Beaker today

and boy has he grown! The OB couldn't find the heart beat using the doppler (too much fluff for that little heart beat to get through) so she decided to do an impromptu ultrasound. Got to see his heartbeat and a little leg. The first thing out of my mouth was that he looked like a little kimono dragon and SA agreed. He is measuring 11 weeks and since we know by DS IUI that he is 10wks 3 days, we know that he is growing ahead of schedule!

Because of my rapid weight gain, she is going to have me do the gestational diabetes test at 12 weeks. If I pass I am good until 24 weeks and she thinks I will pass without any problems but she just wants to be sure. She however seems to think that majority of my weight gain is water and not actual weight. I am guessing that she just doesn't understand weight loss surgery patients which is fine, its not her job too. She just wants to make sure that when I get a fill, that we aren't restricting my calories so much that I can't get enough nutrients for beaker.

TAsology

Saw this on Wishing4One and thought hey its a good Sunday post and what better then to read some completely useless info about me right?


FOODOLOGY:

What is your salad dressing of choice? Ranch, Caesar or Poppyseed

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Kha.ns Mongolian BBQ

What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Subway

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Fruit Snacks (Am I a two year old?)

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Pepperoni or Ham and Pineapple

How many televisions are in your house? Three - Living Room, Bedroom and Craft Room

What color cell phone do you have? White i.phone


BIOLOGY:

Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? All 4 wisdom teeth

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Surprisingly no! (Didn't get the nickname of Tornado for nothing)

Have you ever fainted? Once, when I was really sick.


BULLCRAPOLOGY:

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? No way, I have a phobia of dying.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Not sure....

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Waaay too many, they are my favorite!

Last person you talked to? SA


FAVORITOLOGY:

Season? Summer, I love swimming in the cool water and feel the heat beating down.

Holiday? All of them! My grandma use to decorate the house for each holiday.

Day of the week? Friday

Month? May or June

Color? Blue or Purple

Drink? Cold water while I am pregnant

Alcoholic? None


CURRENTOLOGY:

Missing someone? My niece and nephew in Missouri

What are you listening to? Move on TV

What are you watching? Madhouse

Worrying about? Getting ready for quilt retreat next week.

What's the last movie you saw? Shutter Island

Do you smile often? I like to think I do.

If you could change your eye color what would it be? Might go a tad bit bluer

What's on your wish list for your birthday? Money, because lets be honest, who can't use a little bit of money.

Can you do a chin-up? Oh heck no!

Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Excited, lots of changes over the next 30 weeks.

Have you been in a car wreck? Yes,several but they weren't my fault.

Have you caused a car wreck? Nope

Do you have an accent? Only when I leave the state of Minnesota

Last time you cried? Umm couldn't tell you but I do cry a lot.

Plans tonight? Quilt, more quilting, laundry, give the dog a bath

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? I have.

Name three things you bought yesterday? Pop, Chips and chocolate. Long car ride to see SA's grandma who had another stroke yesterday.

Have you met someone who changed your life? SA

For the better or worse? Better

How did you bring in the New Year? At home after an evening at friends.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Not a chance. It hasn't always been easy but it has made us(me) who we(I) are and that is all worth it.

What songs do you sing in the shower? Don't usually sing in the shower. The car yes!

Have you held hands with someone today? Not yet, SA still sleeping.

Who was the last person you took a picture of? My cats and dog.

Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Many of both. They come and go in my life as they need and I need.

Do you like pulpy orange juice? Not so much! Gives me major heartburn.

Last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? Last night! Didn't want the dinner we had cooked.

What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? Going to the bathroom.

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? How much I had to pee!

Look at my baby!

Look how big beaker is getting! I just can't believe this little thing is growing in me. It just amazes me and I am ever so grateful.

Today I have not experienced any headaches which I like but now have some awful cramping/back pain in my lower back. Not sure what that is coming from but sure not enjoying it. I can't even use a heating pad to see if that helps to alleviate the pain.
Oh well, this too shall pass.

Pee, Weight Gain, Clothes & Headaches

I got to pee in a cup today to confirm I am pregnant! Hahaha... They wouldn't listen to me that I have already had an ultrasound and heard the heartbeat. I suppose to make sure I am not having a phantom pregnancy since the two clinics haven't totally communicated yet. They confirmed via scale that I am gaining weight at an alarming weight. But she promised they wouldn't yell at me since I already now how to calorie count, how to eat properly and as she put it, I was doing enough yelling for everyone.

I see the bariatric surgeon in two weeks so if I can keep the weight gain consistent at 5lbs a week, hopefully, I can get some restriction and drop 500 calories a day from my diet.

I am at 9.5 weeks already moving into maternity clothes. I found that my top is still small enough that I can wear normal maternity tops but my bottom half is expanding and need to go into a pants size that no one carries in the store. So for now I just went to a plus size store and bought stretchy pants until it is warm enough to get capris to carry me through the summer and the end of the pregnancy.

Today was my second PT appointment for my headaches. Apparently my neck is very guarded and tight and could be the issue behind the day to day headaches. They have me doing some stretching on my own and then they are doing soft tissue massage. It seems to be working in combo with my chiro. I was headache free for three days over the weekend. So this should get me through until Thursday.

Uggg! This is ridiculous....

Two plus years ago, I had lapband surgery and lost 170+ lbs. Even with that weight loss I am still morbidly obese and thought carefully about getting pregnant at this size and spoke to my OB, my GP and my surgeon before we did any attempts. They all said to continue to lose weight before you get pregnant but we don't see you as high risk at this time.

Timeline - Jan 5 - Feb 2 Lost 10 pounds during my first six weeks of pregnancy. Yeah me!

Feb 2 - Morning Sickness has started, can't get water or food down and have nighttime acid. See surgeon get half of the fluid removed from my bad. Surgeon recommended eating about 2000 calories a day.

Feb 3 - Present - Sticking at 2000 - 2500 Calories a day and I have gained 15lbs. IN TWO FREAKING WEEKS!!!! Granted some of it is water retention but there is no way that I have eaten enough calories to gain this much weight.

Because I am morbidly obese I am suppose to gain 10-15 pounds over the entire pregnancy. I have already gained that and can't gain anymore? WTF am I going to do for the next 31.5 weeks?

I journal my foods every day via spark. SA and I are walking every day. Someone please talk me down off this ledge as SA isn't prepared to handle this!!!

Edit: Ok so I am reading an Eating Well When Book and this makes me feel a titch better: "Some overweight women who are chronic dieters or who lost a substantial amount of weight close to becoming pregnant may actually gain excessive amounts of weight during pregnancy, even if they don't overeat. Some experts speculate that a body that's been through a recent weight loss may feel "starved" and may overcompensate during pregnancy for that earlier loss of fat by piling on the pounds." So I can be doing what I am suppose to but my body says "F You" anyways????

Happy Valentines Day to you all!

May you hold your loves one close today and every day!

One of my fears...

is that my migraines would remain or get worse with pregnancy is coming true. I have been home sick two days now with a migraine that over the counter T.ylenol won't touch. I left a message for my doctor this am around 8:30 who got back to me around noon saying that they were going to call in a prescription for T.ylenol with Code.ine. Wal.greens still hadn't called me by 3:30p so I called them and they hadn't received the prescription yet. (2nd time this has happened with this location in a month's time.) Called the doctor back and they re-called the prescription and finally got to take a pill 9.5 hours after I called the doctor.

I was worried before we got pregnant about the headaches as I am prevalent to them anyways. I see my chiro once a month and I wonder if I should bump that up over the next few months. I would really prefer not to have to take prescriptions but that it what it seems what its going to be!

Okay so now....

I am excited! I got to see and hear beaker's strong little heartbeat today and there isn't any amount of crap that I have to go through that isn't worth it. Just so hard to believe in such a short time we have come so far. I consider us blessed and not about to forget that we only had to go through one treatment to get pregnant. There are so many others that fight month after month to have their heart broken. I wish I could say that I know how you feel but to be honest with all of us, I really can't. We were lucky and we both consider ourselves blessed. What I can do is to be there fighting along right with you! Supporting you, cheering you on, lending a shoulder, whatever my blogging friends need. Why? Because I know that if something were to every happen, you would be there for us. We are lucky and we consider ourselves blessed!

Face Closeup

Full Picture - Head by CRL

156 BPM

Umbilical Cord

What is my deal?

I am all down and out today and really for no good reason other than I don't want to have to start going through my crap to make room for beaker. Not that I am not excited about beaker, it's just that I have a hard time going through crap and deciding what to keep and what to get rid of. So SA are making a plan to spend 15 minutes a day going through stuff. If I do it in little spurts maybe it won't be quite so overwhelming.

Hahahaha Now back to our regularly scheduled bad luck....

The furnace quit working yesterday. Called our warranty plan and by midnight we had a new motor and heat. Get home from work tonight.... No heat again. Called our warranty plan. Hope they don't tell us that we need a new furnace. Not stressing to much (except for the fact that we had birthday dinner plans for SA) because it will work itself out in the end. I hope!!!

*** The warranty guy left after fixing his mistake. He didn't properly connect the wires and they fell out. At least he admitted it and neither trip cost us a thing. Could we be on an upswing of good luck? Is Beaker our good luck charm? ***

If this isn't good timing....

Where's My Stork?: Do Not Be Anxious...

Where's My Stork posted a bible verse from Philippians yesterday about anxiety. Ding ding ding, if that wasn't God's little message to me, I don't know what could be. I have severe anxiety, I worry about everything. Run scenarios through my head about what may or may not happen. Plan for the worst case. So, for at least just today, I am going to try to pray instead of planning and worrying.

One day at a time right?

I think morning sickness....

is kicking in. I slept in this weekend on both days and was so sick throughout the day. Guess I will be keeping crackers close to me at all times. This morning it isn't so bad, until I get out of the shower. Not complaining, this is a good thing because it means that Beaker is growing nice and strong in there!

The Wierdest Pregnancy Symptom...

Once I get cold, I can't get warmed up and this is pretty much every evening. Last night I went to bed with pj's (don't usually wear them TMI!) and another blanket/comforter doubled over on my side. It's usually worse in my hands and back. We were out to dinner last night and SA was HOT! (temp wise) I kept trying to climb into his lap which really wasn't appropriate at a restaurant so I had to settle moving his hands all around my hands and arms. I am half tempted to go get a heated throw to carry with me at work and home. My only concern about that and my heated car seat is if it makes it to warm for beaker and if I am "cooking" him?

Panic Attack....

Yep I had one yesterday.... Over the cost of daycare. Daycare centers are running at a minimum of $250 for an infant. One month of daycare is more than one of my twice monthly paychecks. How does anyone afford having more than one kid. Thank goodness when SA got home, we googled in home daycares and found that they tend to run about $100 cheaper and my MIL doesn't work Mondays and would be willing to help us on Mondays. Don't get me wrong, I think my child is worth every penny by my god it was shocking.

Bandit has it soooo bad!

Ok so for anyone who doesn't know (and that would be most anyone who reads this blog) that we are not suppose to have a puppy where we live. SA has always wanted a dog, loves dogs, grew up with dogs etc. When a Shiz Tzu puppy became available on Crai.gs L.ist for a reasonable price, SA jumped on it with my blessing. I mean come on, how much trouble can a 10lb dog be to train to potty on a mat. Well fast foward to 35lbs, more like a tibetan terrior, and a dog who refuses to go indoors (thank goodness) and you have Bandit. We love him to pieces and he spends most of his time at our in-laws but he does have to come home one night a week and on the weekends. He comes in and out of our house (not in plain sight) and gets to go to the bathroom all he wants. Where he has it so bad is the fact that when we are waiting for SA to get home, he has to stay in the bedroom so that he doesn't go racing to the door. He is now in the bedroom, whining pathetically to be let out. Love the little bugger but he really doesn't have it that bad!

As I lay here in bed...

after I have taken my progesterone, I ponder this. If I switched my hours at work (temporarily) I could sleep in but then I wouldn't get rock star parking at work. Such worries I tell you! Right now I get to work at 7:00a so the alarm starts going off at 5:00 am and I am up by 5:30a. If I went to work at 8:00a I could sleep until 6:00. Don't know if I would feel any better but something worth thinking about. My issue (besides the parking) is that I love getting off at 4:00p and I am home by 4:30p. All right that seals it, work schedule stays the same. Guess that means I will have to go to bed by 8:30 - 9:00 or get a better nap in when I get home.

Wow, I didn't do a darn thing

the last three days. Pretty much sat on my butt or napped the long weekend away. I did get my DVR pretty cleaned off. Can't keep doing that. Too much to do. Although I am grateful for my job, I would really love to have the option not to work so I could stay home a goof off most of the time. Oh well. Off to work today and then home to crash!

So tired....

Not complaining just wondering how Beaker has sucked my brain and energy already when I am not quite five weeks yet. Is this how the rest of the nine months is gonna be? I sure hope not, I need to be able to work and sound like I know what I am doing and getting simple words out of my mouth. Not that I wasn't tired before Beaker but man on man. Guess I am going to have to go to bed at 8:00 instead of 9:00. All worth it in the end!

MMMMM....Waffles....

Watching Throw.down with B.obby Flay on the F.ood Ne.twork and they are doing waffles. They look soooo nummy. Had soup for dinner and was satisfied until the damn waffles. I don't even think I am a big waffle fan either but boy these things look good. Guess I will have to settle for my col.d sto.ne ice cream from last night!

Progesterone....

I am laying in bed playing on the computer waiting out my 10 minute before I can get up and get dressed. Well at least I got up a half hour early for this 10 minute wait so maybe just maybe I will be to work early.

Beta is back

and I am officially pregnant with a beta of 562 at 16DPIUI! I am super happy at that part but the bummer part is that my progesterone was at 8.7. The normal ranges that I have found are between 9-200. I am going to be taking an oral progesterone and using it vaginally twice a day. Not too excited about it but I will do anything at this point to make sure we get to keep Beaker. Now if the prescription could just get called in so I can start it tonight like I am suppose to, I would be a happy camper.

On a funny note... SA was soooo funny today. He kept calling me asking if the clinic had called me. He was just bouncing. He can't wait to tell people which I am a little nervous about especially with the low progesterone.

Our first pregnancy ultrasound is scheduled for February 9. Only three more weeks!!!

Well, after three postive tests....

SA has decided, that yes indeed I am pregnant and he doesn't need blood work to prove otherwise. We are still cautiously optimistic and can't wait for our first pregnancy appointment with the RE. I called and left a message yesterday (Saturday) but I am sure they won't call back until Monday which is fine since I am still in Missouri until Monday p.m.

On an un-baby note. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time in Missouri. Playing with all my nieces and nephews. It just makes my heart swell with the little moments. Like cuddling with my niece or being told how much she looks just like me. (Poor kid!)



Or watching the other niece, yell at her brother, because he "was hurting his friend" (me) with his blowup guitar.

Or the aforementioned brother, finally remembering me (long story involving alcohol, my brother who is no longer present in his life, and a very gracious mother who lets him and her other children be in our life regardless of parental rights being given up.)and playing with me, giggling with me and not shying away.

It just made my heart swell. This trip was good and although I will be sad to go home, I can't wait to get home to SA.

Safely in Missouri....

for a few days. We had one more free round trip airline ticket that needed to be used up and the trip was planned before we got our BFP. I took another test this am and the 2nd line (although still faint) was still there so yesterday wasn't a fluke. I will do another test tomorrow morning and then call the RE for lab work. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night starving, so much so it was painful. However, with the lapband I can't eat and then back down. All I could do was reposition myself and hope that it did go away, which it did eventually.

Wheresmystork, I tried to comment on your husband question and it wouldn't let me so I will answer it here. My husband has been very stoic through all of this. He was diagnosed with azoospermia this summer and was the first one to say, then we will do donor sperm. I wasn't quite ready at that point but have obviously gotten there. He is still being stoic. He isn't ready to get excited about the BFP until we go in for the beta, because he will have to pick up the pieces if something happens. For about the first 24 hours of the azoospermia diagnosis he was down but that didn't last long because he had to pick up "my pieces." Have I seen him tear up, yes, when we watched the Marley movie but he tends to be my rock.

OMG OMG OMG!!!!

Do you see the 2nd line? It's faint but it's there!!!!!!

If I didn't know better....

I would swear that AF is going to rear her ugly head any day now. I have been extremely bitchy (and I do mean bitchy) today and I have been AF cramping all day. TMI Warning.... and you know that feeling when something is leaking out, well I have had that all day but with CM. I know I am not out until the fat lady sings but I am not holding out much hope at this point. I am taking my last test tomorrow am before I board a plane to Missouri. At that point, I will just have to wait until I get back on Monday to test again if she hasn't shown her head!

On a funny side, http://999reasonstolaughatinfertility.blogspot.com/ posted acronyms several days ago... Wonder if anyone can figure this one out...

IWPOASTTADUIGMP!

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I will pee on a stick ten times a day until I get my positive!

Sooooo....

the heartburn is back again today, along with a new canker sore (I NEVER get them) and the band is tight again this afternoon. I broke down and tested again this afternoon and of course it was negative. (9DPO) What I am beginning to wonder (giving me a small glimmer of hope) is if I have a hard time with catching the LH on the OPK, I wonder if the hCG would have a hard time showing this early (if I were indeed pregnant.) I know it's still early for any pregnancy but just something to make you go hmmmmm...

FF has my pregnancy points at 55, so I guess I have a 55% chance of being pregnant this cycle at this point! Hahaha, I could have told you that! Either you are or you aren't which gives you 50%.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

It's so hard.....

Not to sike myself out... Every little bit of heartburn, every little bit of cramping, every little bit of headache... Ohhhh wait I must be pregnant, oh wait it's still to early. Don't think I haven't tested, which is entirely stupid to have tested 4x before 7dpo. All negative of course but then I expected that. I was hoping that they would make the symptoms disappear. They do, for about a day and then they come back. Just hope that these are good signs. One sign that I haven't seen and should be seeing soon is if the band gets tight. It always gets tight with AF and makes it hard to eat. (Not such a bad thing when you are trying to lose weight). So far that wonderful AF symptom has stayed away. I am out of HPT tests so I will have to go buy more before I can test again. Wonder if I can hold out until Thursday am, when I would expect AF to show?

Spoke too soon! The band is very tight this morning!

My new anthem!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Bra Color

Wondering what the meaning of those “Leopard,” “Blue” and “Pink” Facebook status updates are? I was confused all day, figured I’d sort it out sooner or later, and then I broke down and googled it. Found out the hues represent bra colors. So, like every good Facebooker, I played along by peeking in my shirt and updating my status: Pink

What I turned up on the Internet is that the purpose of this color thing is to simply raise awareness of breast cancer. Not sure how it all got started, but here’s what you should do if you’re a girl (or boy who wears a bra): Look at your bra, note the color, type it in your FB status bar, then feel those boobies.

Are you game? Hope so.

In for another fill....

And I gained another 10lbs in the last month. Not good, so we tweaked .2 up. We started out a .5 up but I just couldn't get that last dixie cup of water down. Can't keep this gaining weight! I lost 170lbs total and now have gained 40 of those back! I get so disgusted with myself. I go back in February for another tweak. I have to get this food thing under control so that I don't gain an obnoxious am0unt of weight during any pregnancy!

Gotta love families....

SA's grandma had her 2nd stroke after the New Year and thank goodness it wasn't nearly has severe as the first one. Some neighbor found her walking the hallways and called my MIL. We saw her yesterday, she can't walk by herself, has trouble remembering her words and slurs a little bit when she gets tired. All to be expected after a stroke, but she can still read and she is pretty clear after she rests a bit.

SA's biatch cousin, whom we haven't seen since before our wedding reception 5.5 years ago (long story) showed up while we were there. Didn't say hello to us, wouldn't make eye contact, etc. The aura in the room instantly changed as soon as she walked in. MIL had to leave the room but SA and I stayed because neither one of us had a good feeling. Becky chose her words very carefully while we were there and even while the social worker was there. The coward that she is, waited until everyone left and then proceeded to berate grandma who happens to be 87 years old. The yelling escalated so much that the nurse had to step in the room to find out what the hell was going on.

This is a woman who is recovering from her 2nd stroke, heart valves are failing, contemplating a pacemaker and is getting yelled at by a granddaughter who didn't have the time of day for 4-5 years until she gained some sembalence of a conscious.

Becky also had the nerve to tell grandma that her youngest son just lost his job and was on the verge of suicide. Only partially right. What is she going to tell her next that her oldest great grandchild is in jail for statutory rape? Will this woman stop at anything to kill her grandmother?

Thank goodness, my MIL is still with her and won't leave her with Becky again!

On a side note, my MIL wants to tell grandma that we are pregnant (even though we aren't officially) to give her some good news and give her something to look forward to. Uhhhh, gee thanks for the pressure!

We did it!

I made it through the first IUI. The sperm was 27.5 million post wash which is excellent for frozen sperm. I did find out that I have a curved cervix and was being quite difficult. So much so that she had to grab a devise to try to stabilize it. It hurt the first time she tried to put it in. But once the nurse started over again she didn't need to use it. The CM was plentiful which is good because we got the timing right.

Now for the TWW. I barely made it two hours before I was going stir crazy. Took BB to see a movie and then back home again. I had some mild cramping about 6 hours later but that has since gone away too.

On a sad note, SA's grandma had another stroke today and the family is up in arms on her care from here.

It's as close as we are gonna get....

The sticks are showing a surge at 2:00p and then at 5:00p the lines were fading. So we are calling a + and going ahead with the DIUI tomorrow. Cross your fingers and your toes!!!!

TMI that I am sure of!!!

Well the CM is plentiful today! I totally expect a + OPK stick today or tomorrow. Hard to believe that we will be on our way to TTC our first child again. I am very excited about the opportunity but still saddened that I will never know what SA biological children will look like. I know our children will be SA's in every way possible except that one. I will be so screwed because I know our children will be blessed with his sense of humor. You don't get that from sperm, you get that from the environment. Want to know how I know? Because BB has gained SA's sense of humor over these last few years.

So as I (or we, if SA pays attention), wait with bated breath for that elusive +!

Looking back

I can't wait to say goodbye to 2009 and say hello to the possibilities of 2010. We are hoping to start of right with our first DSIUI. The OPK was - today which is very good in. I thought for sure I was a goner this morning with all the CM but we are good to go for the New Year! Thank goodness for small favors!

I wish you all a healthy and safe New Year! Don't do anything stupid!!!

Much better today....

The crankiness has faded which I am very happy about. Today was a good day (at least after lunch.) Cindy came into work to do timecards and then took me to my favorite mongolian bbq place. Very tasty but couldn't get much down. Guess that means that the band is still working. No + on the OPK which I am very grateful for. I just know it's going to come earlier based on the headaches I have been having. I just need the + to stay away for two more days and then it can come on Friday.

Off to start laundry and sew the binding on my quilt!

XOXOXOXO

Cranky....

Can we say cranky today? Like raging biatch, cranky and I am not even PMSing. WTF? I couldn't even stand myself. Not sure if is the looming "1st" insemination and the whole timing, or if it is the whole mother thing or if it is the whole money thing? Or how about a combination of all the above? How about the fact that I didn't make it through new mo.on and dreamt about it all night long? How about the fact that I want to get my Christmas quilt finished before we put the Christmas stuff away this weekend? Ugh.... Or how about the fact that I have to work four days this week? Ok enough ranting, as one of my friends told me, at least I have a job!

On DSIUI note.... I am starting to do the OPK test this week. Today was negative.... Thank goodness. As long as they stay negative through Friday, we will be just fine. I am really holding out for a + on Saturday so SA can go with me at least for the first time.

Psstttt.... It's a secret....

This blog is meant for anonymity to protect SA's wish about azoospermia and DS to ourselves. If you happen to know us in real life, please don't mention the aforementioned items to anyone or to him. If you wish to know more details or discuss, please feel free to email me!!!

Woot Woot...

All I want for New Years is a DS IUI! Yahoo! AF showed her ugly head last night and we are right on track to have our first IUI after the beginning of the New Year. Just have to share was someone posted on FF!



That doctor's office has a sense of humor. So we are down to about 14 days which hopefully will put us right on target for the Monday after New Year's that both Scott and I have taken off. Keep you fingers crossed!

Weekend Time....

Yeah! I am so glad it's Friday! We are going to Duluth this weekend with SA's parents. We are going to see the lights at Bentleyville. http://www.bentleyvilleusa.org/ It is really cool with an awesome light display that we have gone to a couple of times. And then off to a small family Christmas get together with some of his relatives. I am really looking forward to this weekend as this is one of the reasons why we got married six years ago.

We went to the family get together and we were staying at the hotel. We were getting romantic and the birth control failed. At that point we were already engaged but decided we would run off and elope and not tell anyone. Little did we know that birth control wasn't necessary....

Two years ago tomorrow.....

I took a step that changed my life forever. 130-165 lbs later, life is sooooo much better and a lot more fun. Thank you to all the friends and family that have been along for the ride. This was not an easy decision that I made lightly. For goodness sake, I weighed 465 lbs at the start of this journey and if I had not made this change, I would probably be on my death bed. My focus for the next year, is to do what I have to do to have a healthy pregnancy. Drink my water, take my vitamins, not gain a ton of weight.

Can I Just Say......

That I really miss caffeine! More so this morning than in the last two
weeks!

Sent from my iPhone

19 Days and Counting....

Until we have our first and hopefully only DIUI. For those who don't know what DIUI, it is artificial insemination that is placed in my uterus for conception. SA was diagnosed with azoospermia this fall, which means he produces zero, nada, zilch sperm. It was quite devastating for us to get the news but SA being the wonderful man that his, picked us both of the floor and said lets go for donor sperm. Not a cheap route ($1000 per cycle for the doctor plus $300-$600 for the sperm) but worth every penny. We have the complete support of our parents who can't wait to be grandparents next year. We started this count down in October and thought that getting to the tweens would never get here. Yet here we are just a mere 19 days (give a day or two) away from doing the insemination.

We met with an RE (well his nurse anyways) and determined through blood work and a HSG that there isn't anything wrong with me at this time. We will do three unmedicated cycles as if you aren't pregnant by your fourth cycle without any help, chances are you won't be. There is a 25% per cycle that we can get pregnant and no one cycle is better than the other. I will chart my temperatures and use OPK to determine when I am going to ovulate. Once we get an OPK+ then I will call and make an appointment for the next day for insemination.

Our DS (donor sperm) is already waiting at the clinic for us. I am excited and very scared at the same time. We will tell our children some day about how they came to be but will they understand, will they want to meet the man who donated (who is unknown to all of us), will they ever look at Scott and say that he isn't their father, will I be haunted by the procedure, will Scott change his mind somewhere down the road?

One day at a time? 19 more days and counting!

Productive Day

I had a very productive day today. I have been baking Great Grandma's Sugar Cookies all day along with doing laundry, making dinner, giving bandit a bath and enjoying the Vi.kings Game.

When I say baking cookies, I mean about 32 dozen (8 batches with 4 dozen a piece) to give out to the family for Christmas. I am even using the same glass that she used to press the cookies into shape.

It is a little bitter sweet however, because up until last year, my mom and I made these cookies together. Last year and this year, she hasn't wanted to much to do with it. This was one of those things that I was hoping to pass on to my kids. Make Sugar Cookies together as a family.

Oh well, just another one of those things that my mom will lose out on because of her choices.

And we return to our regularily scheduled drama....

First of all SA has a hemorroid that is bleeding and it is freaking him out. So much that he thinks he has cancer. Whatever dude! I had to schedule a doctor's appointment right away. My little revenge (not that I had much choice) is that he has to see a female nurse practitioner. I know not very nice but give me a break.

Second drama for the day, my mom is in the process of getting a divorce and her husband moved out of their house three days ago. Guess what, the new boyfriend is all set to move in. I watched the men come and go growing up and had really hoped that she had moved beyond that as she got older. Guess not! I feel really bad for BB becuase he has to watch and deal with the same things I did. The ignoring because the boyfriend is so much more important than the rest of us.

8-10 weeks ago, I couldn't get a weekend away from my mom. Now I can't even get an evening dinner with her.

BB had his winter concert tonight and guess who was there. "The Boyfriend" and she had no plans to tell me. Really? You think just springing this on me is going to make me accept this person into my life any sooner. Don't think so, I will on my own time and desire. Until then, don't push him on me.

Ugghhh! It really stinks when your 53 year old mother is acting like a teenager again. What is really sad is that I am really going to need her in the next few months as we start our DIUI and she won't be there.

Good thing I have other people that surround me with love and care!

Meme (I wasn't tagged but thought this was a cool idea!)

The Rules:

1. Copy and paste the meme from the person that tagged you.

2. Run a Google image search on your answer to the question.

3. Choose a relevant image that suits your taste and needs.

4. Add a description.

5. Tag four innocent bystanders to pass the damn thing on, and leave a comment on their blog so they know what's up.

6. Have fun!

And we're off!!

Place I was Born:

Walter Reed Hospital - Washington D.C.








Place I Grew Up:

All Over the Place









Place I live Now:

New Brighton MN



High School Mascot:

Roseville Raider



University I Attended:

Didn't go to a University but instead to a community college



Favorite Wild Animal:

Tasmanian Devil of Course



Favorite Vacation Spot:

Vegas Baby Vegas



Favorite Sports Team:

Skol Vikings!!!



Favorite Movie:

Chick Flicks!!!!!



My Age Right Now:

32



My Hobby:

Quilting, duh!!!!



My Favorite Color:

Blue



My Favorite Song:

It happens to be whatever shows up on my i.pod



My Favorite Book:

Wish I could say whatever is on my k.indle but that isn't going to happen anytime soon! So I will say, The Sha.ck



My Favorite Clothing Brand:

Whatever fits!



My Job or Career:

Approving Condominiums for conventional loans.



My Favorite Television Show!

Reality TV Junkie!!!



My Addiction:

HoHo Mint Mocha



My Weakness:

See above? How about Shopping!!



My Favorite Food:

Chocolate!!!

Quiet night at home while the snow blows.....

The Twin Cities is suppose to get 6-8" of snow in this snow storm. Oh what joy! We got 2" today and it took me about an hour and half to get home tonight. Oh well got some good chatting time in with my step mom and talked about the drama in our life. I don't mind being nicknamed "princess" but I would sure like to shed the drama queen label. I feel for those people that are always sick, always have bad things happen to them, never have anything good happen for them. I don't want to be that person but somehow to find myself in that spot. Oh well, I just raise my hands up and say whatever. All I can do is perservere and do it with my head held high!

So I shoveled the few inches of snow when I got home, started my Christmas cookie baking with chocolate covered pretzels and now I am watching the series finale of Big.gest Loser and can't wait to see Shay!

Stomach Flu Hits....

and hit my husband hard today. He has been sick and even went to bed at 7:30p. Hopefully this crud leaves our house very soon! Yuck. An interesting question was posed at dinner on Saturday. How would I handle a sick child throwing up on me? I would like to think I would be ok. Not that it wouldn't be gross but really, I mean come on. I am practically BB's second mom (who by the way turns 15 tomorrow) and he peed on me and I am sure there was vomit involved at some point or another.

On a side note, I got my first smiley face on the OPK. I have never gotten a smiley face before because I was using FMU and then switched to cheapies right before we learned about SA's MFI. We are down to less than 30 days before our first DIUI. Here's to our New Year's Baby.

Another Quilt Finish

This is a pattern by one of my favorite quilt designers. I machined quilted it myself on my Ber.nina and finished the binding today during the football game. This is for my MIL's good friend and I hope she likes it. She is reimbursing me for the material costs (or at least I hope) because we could sure use the extra money.

Gotta love the flu (or so I think...)

Woke up yesterday with 101.5 fever. Great! At least it broke overnight and other than the fever and aches I fell pretty good. So good that we are going out for a couple's date tonight. Don't worry, we have forwarned the other couple so they could decide if they wanted to risk being around me. And they are ok with it.

We are going to try this new restaurant in Eden Prairie. It is a Hawaiian/Asian place that we have never been to before.

Going to new places make me nervous with the lap band. Food choices don't always work but if I go slow and chew well, it should be fine!

Does anyone else every wonder....

If the timing is just not right to try to get pregnant? SA was diagnosed this fall with azoospermia. The nearest we can tell his body does not produce sperm. We could do a testicular biopsy but would be taking out tissue that produces testosterone (which he doesn't produce enough already) for nothing. IVF isn't an option for us just because of shear cost. We are suppose to start artificial insemination in January and the swimmers are waiting for us at the RE's office. However, with everything we have had going on, I am really scared to try to get pregnant right now. It will cost us $1000 a cycle and that doesn't include the sperm. We have that covered with the Flex Spending Account but after three cycles, the RE kicks in with medication which could cost us more and we don't have that. I would hate to get this far only to be disappointed that we couldn't get pregnant and not afford to go further. Does the unknown cost keep us from moving foward? Only time will tell I guess.

And Karma is at it again today....

The car went in for new tie rods and the computer we just fixed is not booting again.... Oh well whatcha gonna do. Anybody else have any good news for me?

Animals....

Bandit and Frankie are sitting on Scott's lap and cuddling. They are his pets, they go to him and love him. Sebastian is my baby and is sitting on the couch besides me and if I weren't playing on the computer, he would be sitting on my chest. Bella is on the other couch by her self but I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't move over and sit behind my head. She will actually groom my head and bite it. She is too funny as so are the rest of the animals. But they are our babies, you better not mess with them!!!!