Ooopppsss

I started out so well on NaBloPoMo but after SA's grandma passed away, I lost all posting steam. We spent four days in Alexandria and Teddy got sick while we were up there and still is. Poor baby has to sleep in his bouncy chair so he can sleep sitting up.

SA has a dentist appointment this morning so I get to stay with Teddy for a little bit and go to work a little later. This makes my day, because he is the happiest in the mornings and gives great smiles.

Sadness

SA's grandmother passed away today. She was with her youngest son talking about S.P.A.M., coughed and then was gone. They think she probably had a massive stroke. This was a long time coming. We thought she was a "goner" a week after Teddy was born when she hadn't had a chance to meet him. We were fortunate enough that she lasted a couple more months and we had a couple of chances for them to bond. She was from Australia and met SA's grandfather when he was there during WWII. She loved to visit with everyone and cause lots of family drama. She will be missed!

Pumping

I am pretty proud of myself, I have been successfull pumping for 11 weeks now. Looking at on-line groups on FF, most people say that pumping is such hard work. I don't see it as hard-work (a little tedious at times.) Heck, while I am at work, it is a good excuse to get up from my desk for 20 minutes. Granted the mother's room isn't the nicest or cleanest but.... I get to watch Tudors at work 40 minutes a day. Who else can say that??? I try to pump 5x a day...

5:00a when I get up for the day
9:00a first pump at work
1:00p second pump at work
5:00p when I get home for the day
10:00 right before bed

On the weekends, I pump when Teddy gets up for his nighttime bottle instead of 5:00a. This allows me to sleep a little longer which is sooooo needed.

This allows me to give Teddy 6 - 4oz bottles a day plus 6-12 oz to go into the huge freezer stash. I am hoping to be able continue this until Teddy is 9 months!

Any Questions of me?

I follow a ton of blogs and have seen a lot of people do this.... Is there anything you want to know about me, SA, Teddy, Infertility, Weight Loss Surgery etc? Please feel free to post them to me and I will do my best to answer.

Thanksgiving

Hope everyone had a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

Stuck at Work...

It is sleeting/snowing here on the day before Thanksgiving... They usually let us "out" earlier on "holidays" but I guess not today. Total bummer which means my drive home is going to be a disaster!

However, I must say that I am thankful to be stuck at work because that means that I am lucky enough to have a job in these tough economic times. Although, we are by no means rich, we have enough to pay our bills and keep the roof over our head. We haven't had to borrow any money to get through adding daycare to our monthly bills.

Trying to Break Bad Habits Already....

Teddy loves to sleep with mom and dad....Love my kid but this is the only way he really sleeps good. I am talking 7 hours in my arms versus 3-4 hours in his crib. What's a gal to do? We put him to bed earlier tonight so that I could put in the crib several times before he would go down. At least then I could have a couple of hours before it is time for me to go to bed. Not sure that he will make it all night in the crib but at least this way I may be able to get a couple hours of sleep before he gets to come to lay in bed with mom and dad.

Another Day....

Another dollar... That's all work is now... Just a means to an end.... Just a way to pay the bills. Not that I ever strived for a fancy career but definitely not so much now. Just get me in and get me out. I told my boss at my review last year (after I found out I was pregnant) that I wanted a job change after my maternity leave is over. Now, I am not so sure but they already have offered the temp who covered my leave my job. No idea what I will be doing. The only thing is that I hope it will be an increase in pay and we could always use money.

Failure

I already feel like I am failing and I have only been back to work for two days. I feel like I am failing Teddy, SA, the house, me and work. Not working is not an option, I am the bread winner and I carry the insurance. SA takes Teddy to daycare in the morning and I do everything I can to make it as easy as possible for him the night before. I am trying to get as much done the night before so that I can get myself out the door on time without having to get up at 4:00 in the morning. I am trying to break the house up into "quadrants" so that we focus on one are of the house a week. This way we don't spend hours on the weekend cleaning the whole house. Where our house might not be clean all the time, an area of the house will have at least been cleaned in the last four weeks. (Wish I could hire a cleaner but I don't have the money!) All of this so I can spend quality time with Teddy but at the same time, I don't feel like I have any quality time with him. Then I realized today, that I am not asking for help. I told SA my frustration and he really picked up the ball tonight to help. I just need to ask for help and I am not so good at that....

Never thought....

I would enjoy a quiet Saturday at home as much as I did today. Got to cuddle with Teddy and he wasn't crabby like he has been the last two nights after being away from home all day. Amazing what a change like that can make in mood. Off to church tomorrow! Night all!

TGIF...

Been a long short week and I am exhausted! I think SA is going to let me sleep-in in the morning and take care of Teddy for me. Can't wait!

Well I Made It...

Today wasn't as tough as I thought it would be, but that was because Teddy went to my MIL's instead of daycare. She was staying home sick and he hasn't been feeling well, so we thought it would be best. I only called twice (once with SA and once with MIL) during the day and of course he was fine.

The sad or funny thing depending on how you want to look at it.... When I picked him up from my MIL's lap, he started crying. He was fine in the car seat and then again in the swing until he got cranky. SA handed him to me while I pumped and then he got really pissed and screamed until Dad picked him up. Kind of felt like I was being punished, I know he's too young to know better.

Evening with Monkey boy go fast! Can't wait for the weekend!

Ughhhh....

Teddy is sick, I am sick and I go back to work tomorrow. Not what I call fun. Oh well, I will try to post about our first day tomorrow!

Glad to be home....

What a long weekend and we are so glad to be home and back to our schedule. We are starting test runs for the next couple of days before I return to work. (I may have to start back Thursday rather than Friday because I lost a day of vacation.) So after I get up and do my thing, I am technically gone and unavailable to help with Teddy until after Scott leaves for work. It will be interesting to see what Scott does with Teddy and how they do together.

I am going to miss those first morning feedings. That is when Teddy is the most happiest and most vocal. He makes little piggy noises when he eats his bottle and it totally cracks me up.

We go for our two month appointment today and get our shots. I am sure it will be just as hard on me as it is on him!

On the Road Home

Half way through a 10 hour drive home. Teddy is doing well with the drive but ready to be home just like the rest of us.....





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The Whole Famn Damily!

Family

Huh, apparently, my step-mom put the kabosh on any more drinking for the weekend. Thank goodness because his drinking makes me nervous (another story for another day.) What a great day filled with family, love and laughter. We took family pictures and I will try to post them when I get copies from my step-mommy. Teddy is sleeping and it's time for me to go to bed too! Until tomorrow!!!!

Ugh!

Nothing says welcome like your alcoholic father meeting you at the car reeking of alcohol. Gonna be a great weekend!!!


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The Trip That Wasn't Meant to Be

Off to visit family with an infant that hasn't felt well and 4-7 inches of snow in the forecast.... Maybe we should have stayed home....




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First Fever

Teddy has his second cold with his first fever. All he does is sleep and barely wants to eat. I feel so bad for the little guy!

Happy Two Month Birthday Teddy

I have seen this on another Blog and thought I would try it myself so here I go...

Dear Teddy Bear -

Hard to believe that just two months ago you entered this world and changed our lives forever! You have grown so much, I love the way you smiled after you woke up from your three hour nap yesterday. I love the way you talk while you are eating your morning bottles.

You don't like your bathes yet, but we are hoping that changes as you are starting to get one every day as part of your night time routine. You are starting to go to sleep at night like a pro and with a little bit more time, you will be sleeping through the night.

Soon you will start daycare and our exclusive day time will come to an end and Mommy is very sad about this. Although it hasn't always been easy, I have loved every minute of it. I am very jealous of the daycare ladies who will get to snuggle and kiss on you all day. It just breaks my heart that I won't get to wake you up everyday.

Will you understand that Mommy still loves you with all of her heart? Will you remember me when I pick you up? Will you be angry with me for leaving you all day?

Love you my Teddy Bear...

Your very tearful Mommy

Birth Story - Way Delayed - Part 1

I was just reading a birth story and realized that I never posted mine from 2 months ago. Yep that's right, Teddy Bear entered our life just 2 short months ago. Here we go...

My blood pressure had been playing games with me and I had been to labor and delivery several times, only to be told, that I am not sick enough for them to induce me, the last time being the Saturday before Labor and Delivery. They finally decided that at 37 weeks, I should get an amniocentesis to see if Teddy's lungs were fully developed and it was scheduled for the Saturday after Labor Day. SA had to work and I didn't want to go alone, so my mom agreed to come along with me.

Before they could do the amniocentesis, they did a stress test where they measure the baby's movements and amniotic fluid and rate baby and I on a scale of 10. When they went to measure the amniotic fluid, there wasn't enough for them to be able to do the amniocentesis and I failed the test. We were finally "sick" enough to get the show on the road. Mom and I were immediatley sent over to Labor and Delivery.

I Can't Imagine.... Solution

So my sister did the "mature" thing and let my step-mom decide what she was going to do because she couldn't rationally do it. So last night, my dad and step-mom went into town, packed her belongings and moved my sister, niece and nephew 30 miles down the road and in with them for three to six months to allow Jen time to make a rational decision. In my opinion, this is best case scenario. As much as I would love to have my niece (and nephew) here close to us, not in this situation and not without my nephew. Hopefully this will allow Jen to evaluate her life and determine what is best for both her and her two children.

This isn't the first time, Jen, has thought it would be okay to just leave her kids (whom she loves dearly, trust me) with family because it would just be easier for her. She really needs to quit looking at what would be easier for her and look out for the well-being of her children. Whenever things get tough, Jen wants to run away. (She did this a lot as a teenager.) Being an adult and a parent pretty much dictates that you can't do this anymore.

We will be going to visit them soon. This move just makes it easier because most of my family will be under one roof.

I Can't Imagine....

This kind of hurt. My mom received a call from my sister Jen asking if she could come live with my mom (moving from Missouri) because she found out her boyfriend of seven years whom she is in the process of breaking up with has a new girlfriend and she can't be around it. She would bring her ten year old daughter but leave her two year old son with the dad because he's a daddy's boy. I can't imagine enough hurt would ever make me leave my son...


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Sleep

I find it amazing (while I am pumping at 4:00 in the morning) how well I am doing with limited amounts of sleep. I love to sleep, always have. I was sleeping through the night at two weeks old. Before I got pregnant I would sleep 12 hours a night on the weekends, once I was pregnant it went down because once I would get up for the bathroom, what was the point in going back to bed. Now I am down to about 6 hours, still functioning but at a slower pace. My one reservation about having a baby was it's impediment into my sleep. We have done well so far, just wish my son had my love for sleep too!




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To Caffeine or Not to Caffeine....

Oh how I miss caffeine but I gave it up a month before I got pregnant with Theodore to avoid the withdrawl headaches. (1 large coffee from Car.i.bou, several cans or bottles of Dt Pep.si and regular ice tea.) Basically I was a walking source of caffeine. Because I knew it was bad for baby and I, I gave it up and really only attempted it once after he was born. He is exclusively getting breast milk and I only had a little (not even thinking about it.) He was so irritable, that I have not attempted it again.

With going back to work and getting limited sleep, I am wondering if I can start to have it again. Let's be honest, I could leave that caffeinated milk for when he is at daycare and let them deal with the repercussions. (That sounds really mean and very bad of me.)

However, I haven't had it in so long, do I really need it or just want it. If I start to allow caffeine again into my diet, it means I cut down on water consumption which I need to keep up for the breast milk and I would eventually have to go off of it again.

So for now, I will try to be a good girl and not have it. Can't make that promise once I get back to work but only time will tell.

Fa.cebo.ok.... The New Evil???

Have you ever seen posts like this on Fa.cebo.ok? I have and it disheartens me. Although, I am not infertile myself, through my husband we are an infertile couple.

But wait, we have a child. In case you are not familiar with our story, our son was conceived with Donor Sperm via an IUI on our first try. Although, we were very lucky, our initial diagnosis was still heartbreaking as both SA and I had weight loss surgery so we could conceive a child and had waited 6 years into our marriage to actually try. Little did we know that this would be impossible.

Needless to say when we were actually able to get pregnant on our first try we considered ourselves very blessed and enjoyed every minute of our pregnancy and the first eight weeks of Teddy's life. You will never find me bemoaning about being miserable during the pregnancy, or wanting to the pregnancy just done with, or about the fact that Teddy has colic. None of these "small things" are worth sweating because the minute we get that smile, it is all worth it.

Others might not always like my status because it reminds them that they don't have those happy moments we do but you will NEVER find me complaining!!!

5:00 AM

So, I go back to work in 15 days (TEAR) and thought I better start getting Teddy and I adjusted to that new schedule. Can I say that 5:00 comes way too quick? Teddy isn't quite sleeping through the night yet, so between the 10:00 pumping session and a bottle feeding somewhere in there, I will get about 6 hours of sleep. I am use to 9-10 both before birth and after because I could sleep whenever I wanted. This is day three of the new schedule and I am starting to feel it. I wish I was one of those people that could just jump right out of bed when the alarm goes off but I am a snoozer. Before Teddy was born I would hit the snooze for an hour. Not so much anymore and I would really like to get down to one snooze. I am thinking that the alarm has to go off by 4:45a so that I can at least hit snooze twice and still get up on time. Ugh... 15 days and counting!

I think this poem says it all. I am looking forward to returning to work but I am going to miss so much!


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Don't Forget to Vote

Regardless of who you are politically affiliated with or who you will vote for, VOTE! It is our right and obligation as citizens of the United States to vote. Have your voice heard and VOTE!!!

On a side note, I can't wait for the political bashing ads to just go away!!!!

1st Halloween

Of course because Teddy is so young, we didn't take him door to door. Instead we hung out at my in-laws and he met a new "friend." This picture says it all!

Am I Alone in This?

Don't get me wrong, SA is a wonderful husband but sometimes I feel that I am in this journey alone. I feel like the whole responsibility of taking care of Teddy and the house is all mine. Yes, I am home all day by myself but we have a colicy son that refuses to be put down. Even with a carrier there are still somethings that can't be done without help. It takes me getting mad before I get help. Yes, I can ask for help but at the same time, this is the stuff that needs to be done everyday and I shouldn't have to ask for help. I don't expect him to pull out a dust rag but unload the dishwasher! I don't think I expect to much.

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Bad Life?????

There is a blog that I follow where the blogger constantly complains how rough her life has been and continues to be. It bugs me? Sound a little judgemental? Yep, I would agree, seeing the title of my blog....

Don't get me wrong, my life hasn't always been the most pleasant or the easiest but I wouldn't change a thing. If I did, I wouldn't be me, I wouldn't be married to my wonderful husband and I wouldn't have Teddy Bear. These things make whatever bumps in the road sooooo worth it!

So the "bad luck" of an alcoholic father, a man-dependent mother, a dysfunctional family, a bad 9-year relationship, azoospermia, etc are not easy journeys but again these experiences allow me to appreciate my husband, son and life that much more.


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I think life just got easier!

I have been pumping exclusively since a week after giving birth. Always using both hands and I don''t like it because I am so limited. So I googled...

Hands Free Pumping made Cheap

45 more minutes and I will be trying this!

Okay so this totally works!!!!

Donating Eggs

Shhh.... Monkey is sleeping while SA makes breakfast before we head to church so what do I do... Blog! I follow several blogs where either they used donated eggs or donated embryos to conceive their children and that got me thinking... I wonder if I could donate my eggs? Am I too old? Will my obesity play a role in retrieval? Would anyone want my eggs knowing that I am obese? Here is what I found...

...donors are usually younger than 35 years old, in good health, and have a healthy family background.

I wouldn't want to donate my eggs until after we have successfully had our 2nd child which we aren't going to try to conceive until 2013 which means I would be 36 years old.

As far as weight, I have fluid in my lapband again and hope to lose a significant amount of weight (100+ pounds) before we try conceiving our next child. If I were able to lose this weight before I donate, technically I wouldn't be severely obese anymore. Obese but not severely obese. (UGH!)

This saddens me. At this point, we know I have good eggs and although this can change, they really won't be put to much use and will just be laying there. Someone should be able to put them to good use but it looks like at this point is just isn't meant to be.

Sorry been so long....

We are finally getting into a routine and getting Teddy over what appears to be colic symptoms. A little Zan.tac and My.licome have done wonders to bring back your happy baby. He has been sitting happily in his swing while momma reads blogs and daddy makes a late breakfast. Although as I type this, he is starting to fuss. Our little monkey has grown to be over 8lbs and gained an inch in length in a months time. He is getting soooo big.

Although I still have 6 weeks left of maternity leave, I am already struggling with the fact that I will have to leave him at daycare to go back to work. Hopefully I can make the most of the next few weeks with him!

I will leave you with a new picture of our little monkey!

Sorry it has been and was a long week!

After three days of inducement/labor, Theod.ore Pet.er made his appearance on 9/10/10 at 12:40a. He weighed 5lbs 11oz and was 19.5 inches long. He has been acting slightly premature and we have been trying to overcome his jaundice. We did get to bring him home on Sunday and have enjoyed every minute of it. I will try to get our birth story posted this week but here are some pictures to tide you over!

Update #1

Well, we went in for the amnio this morning and there wasn't enough fluid to do the amnio so we are at the hospital getting induced. They are starting the cervadil since my cervix wasn't favorably enough to break my water. This is at least a 12 hour process so we shouldn't have any major changes until the morning.

Hospital Politics

No baby for me! They only wanted to soften my cervix I guess which I was already doing on my own. 80% Effaced and Fingertip dilated. However, even if I wasn't, they wouldn't have done anything. My doctor wants to induce before I get sick but the hospital says I am not sick enough to induce. Soooo... New plan is that I go for an amnio on Tuesday and if baby's lungs are healthy, they will officially induce me on Wednesday by breaking my water. That is.... Unless I go naturally by myself, which the doctor thought I could. Soooo... I am still hanging here!

Sorry guys....

I bailed on the challenge. It has been an interesting couple of weeks. I was put on bedrest for pregnancy induced hypertension and have been down to labor and delivery 4 times for monitoring. Baby looks good but they are starting "soft inducement" today. AGH! I am 37 weeks today and they expect baby to be "fully cooked" but I am still a little nervous. They are going to start softening my cervix and it make take a couple of times before anything actually puts me in labor so we still could be a couple of days away. I will try to keep everyone updated as we progress through the next couple of days!!!!

Day 27 - My Worst Habit

Right now, with no fluid in my la.pban.d, my worst habit it eating too much too quickly followed by liquid. Breaking all the golden rules of the la.pban.d. Once this kids comes and the band gets fluid back in it, buh bye bad habit!!!

Day 26 - My Week in Great Detail

M - See Day 25
T - See Day 25 + Pickup Bandit from in-laws
W - See Day 25
Th - See Day 25
F - See Day 25 + Pickup Bandit from in-laws
S - Usually I get SA and Bandit up and we have coffee and breakfast. If we don't have anything planned, we will watch TV, I can craft or we run errands.
S - Pretty much the same thing.

We are kind of in a holding pattern right now. We try to get a couple of things off of my to-do list and just enjoy the peace and quiet.

Day 25 - My Day In Great Detail...

Well... Right now my day starts out with a "pee break" about 3:00a every morning. (TMI?) The alarm starts going off at 5:00a. Sometimes I hear it, sometimes I don't, just depends on if the baby is pushing on the bladder but definitely up by 6:00a. Get up, shower and get ready for work. Check Fac.eboo.k (depends on if I am up early enough.) Start heading to work and stop at Car.ibou for one of my favorite things. Get to work between 6:30-7:00a and proceed to work 8-9 hours. Head home about 4:00p. Check Fac.eboo.k and Blogger. Start dinner about 5-5:30p. Eat when SA gets home about 6:00p. For the last couple of weeks, our evenings consist of watching stuff off of the DVR while I work on the baby's cross stitch for the nursery. Depending on how tired I am, bedtime is usually between 8:00 and 10:00p. Boring I know but it won't be this way for much longer! Scary!!!!

Day 24 - Where I Live

I live in the great state of Minnesota! Home of the Minnesota Twins, Minnesota Vikings (Skol Vikings), the Great Minnesota Get Together.



We live in the actually city of New Brighton. Got love a small city in between the big cities.



Home of the Stockyard Days!

Day 23 - A YouTube Video

Since baby is still breach, here is the most recent youtube video that we watched. Not very exciting but still relevant for us.

Web.ster Te.chnique

A just for BB who loves this stupid fruit thing...

Anno.ying Oran.ge

and this one too...

Cha.rlie the Uni.corn

Gotta love teenage boys!

Day 22 - A Website

Hmmmm... I have several websites that I visit daily....

FF (Still read the male infertility boards)

Spar.kPeo.ple - I try to track my calories and nutritional information. Not so much since I had all the fluid taken out of my band. Just to depressing. After baby comes, will be back there tracking. Still have a lot of weight to lose.

Fac.ebo.ok - What can I say, I am one of those people.

Per.ezHil.ton - Gotta love celebrity gossip.

Blogger - Of course, I got check up on all those blogs I follow even if I don't comment on them!

Day 21 - A Recipe

Wow, this could be a fun one. Something you probably don't know about me is that I am a picky eater. I don't like eating things too many days in a row and I pretty much despise leftovers beyond lunch the next day. For the longest time, we never planned what we were having for dinner. SA would come home from work, go what sounds good, I would say "Nothing" and we would end up eating out. Lots of wasted money and calories. Since both of us have had gastric banding, I have started to plan our meals based on when we are going grocery shopping. I log into Spar.k Peo.ple every day to track my food and they have a recipe database that is immense. So we have gotten to try a lot of new recipes. One of my favorites is listed below.

Chef Meg's Baby Spinach Salad with Strawberries and Toasted Almonds

Fresh and juicy during spring and summer months, strawberries are delicious when combined with tender spinach and crunchy toasted almonds. Chef Meg reduced the amount of sweetener used and then increased the vegetables in this member-submitted recipe to ensure you'd get a full cup of fruit and vegetables.

12 Minutes to Prepare and Cook

Ingredients

1/3 c almonds, slivered
4 c baby spinach
3/4 c strawberries, quartered
1 T balsamic vinegar
1 t Dijon mustard
1 t honey
3 T extra virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

Place the almonds in a dry skillet or saute pan. Cook over low heat, shaking the pan the entire time until the almonds are toasting. Almonds are done when you start to smell a "nutty" scent.
Remove almonds from the pan to cool. (Do not cool in the skillet because they will burn from the heat that remains in the pan.) Wash and dry the spinach.

Prepare the dressing by placing the vinegar, mustard, and honey in a mixing bowl. Slowly whisk in the oil until all is incorporated. Place spinach in a large bowl. Add strawberries, almonds, and dressing. Toss to coat. If desired, season with a pinch of salt and pepper.


Number of Servings: 4

Day 20 - A Hobby of Mine

Ummm... I think this is pretty much the same, so is it a cop out to say "See Day 19"?

Day 19 - A Talent of Mine....

I am a pretty craft gal. I stamp, crochet, cross stitch, quilt and scrapbook. My mom even tried to teach me how to knit which I did for a little bit but haven't taken too much too.

Mostly right now (well at least for the last few years) I have been heavy into quilting. Take a look at my most recent finished works...

Turni.ng 20

Ter.ry Atki.nson

Nursery Quilts

Day 18 - My Wedding

Can I just say that I love my wedding story? SA and I were planning a big church wedding in Oct 2004 however his parents where encouraging us to elope. Here comes the part of the story that no one else knows!

We went to a XMas family gathering in Duluth and were staying in a hotel about a week before Xmas. We got a little frisky and the condom broke. Not knowing what we know now about azoospermia, timed intercourse, etc. we paniced. Decided we were going to Las Vegas and proceeded to do the deed again so that if we did get pregnant, we would never know which time caused the pregnancy.

Scott called my boss (an extreme b*tch) that wouldn't let me leave work on my own accord and told her that he was suprising me with a wedding in vegas and I would need to leave work early on 12/23. Of course I knew all about it but had to pretend I didn't when he walked in with my "wedding dress" and the wedding band. Keep in mind that our families had NO clue.

We proceeded to get on a plane to Vegas. Got off the plane, got a limo, went to the county clerk, got our license, went to the chapel and got married just after midnight 12/24 CT. We had dinner at the Riviera and walked the strip for about five hours, took a cab back to the airport and hopped on a plane to go home.

While at the airport, I called my mom and told her that "After last night, there wasn't going to be a wedding in October anymore." and proceeded to tell her that we got married. She walked around at work saying "I am a mother-in-law."

We were due at SA's parents for Xmas Eve Dinner and we were running a tad late. SA called his mom and said we had to do something with my family and that we would be there as soon as we could. (Big mistake if you know my mother-in-law as her step kids do this to them all the time.) By the time we got home, showered and got there we were about 30 minutes late and she was pissed and ranting. Finally, Scott had to stop her and tell her to "Meet my wife." All was forgiven after that.

My first time in Vegas, we were there for less than 12 hours but it was one of the best 12 hours we ever had.

Day 17 - An Art Piece

I have two favorite classic art pieces which I have poster copies hanging in my house. Both of these pieces I fell in love with during a college art appreciation class.

The first one is Starry Night by Van Gogh. I have the poster (framed of course) hanging in our celestial themed bedroom. Just gives me a sense of peace.



The other is Scream by Edvard Munch. These picture just reminds me of mental illness and depression and such. It is how I truly felt (and still do feel) on my worst days of depression. Standing along just screaming.

Day 16 - A Song that makes me Cry

Well technically, I am such a sap it really could be any song if the timing is right. I guess for the moment, refer back to my favorite song. It really sums up how I feel right now in regards to Teddy and I do get teary eyed whenever I hear it.

Day 15 - My Dream House

My Dream House.... Wow, should be somewhere near a lake with easy access so we can do "water activities" whenever we wanted, hunting acreage for SA and BB and soon to be little Teddy. A big playroom for the kids, a big sewing area for my sewing, stamping, crafty area (has to be big enough to hold a long arm quilting machine) with a walk out area so I could step outside for some fresh air. SA will want a "boys room" with a pool table and such. A room for every child we choose to have along with an extra guest room. Beyond that, I don't want it too huge because that means I have to clean it but then again if I could afford my dream house, I would probably be able to afford to pay someone to clean it.

Baby finally cooperated...

and kicked SA's hand three times last night. Up until know he has been a stubborn little bugger and would go quiet as soon as SA put his hands on my belly and then would whack away as soon as he took his hand off. It was kind of a running joke around here. He tried to tell me last night it was gas bubbles as a joke but when he did it a couple more times, he knew who it was!!!

Day 14 - A Non-Fictional Book

I will do what I did for yesterday's post. No surprise here but this one is pregnancy related. Through my work and insurance, there is a healthy pregancy program, where a nurse calls you every month. If you take her call every month, then after you deliver you get $100. Cool right, well they also sent me this book at the beginning of the pregnancy. I read each week as I hit that mark.

Day 13 - A Fictional Book

Hmmmm... Not sure what this one is suppose to be, our favorite? Nope we already did that one, so I will do that last one that I read.



I started this at my last OB appointment and finished it the same day. Another author that I like. Picked the book up at the thrift store for $1.50. Gotta love a cheap read!

Day 12 - Something that I am OCD about

As maternity leave draws closer, we have had to hire a temp to replace me for my 12 weeks. She started last week so that we could give her 6 weeks of "me" time. I am OCD about my job. I created this job and I am the only one that has done it for two years with others covering for me partially while I am out here and there. I have to trust this temp with my job and not to f*ck anything up while I am gone. Can I just tell you how hard this is for me? I like things done a certain way and that is the "only" way to do it. Don't do it how you think it should be done, do it how I want you to do it. UGH! 5 more weeks of watching this chick and having my eye twitch.

Day 11 - A Photo of Me Recently

My mini me... This is my niece and love her to bits. Everyone tells us that she looks just like me!

Day 10 - A phote taken over 10 years ago

Ummm yeah.... I know I don't have any of these electronically! I will try to scan one in and get it posted!

Day 9 - A Photo I took

This is SA's family... Taken at Bentley.ville in Duluth MN 2009. If you have never heard of Bentley.ville, it is basically acres and acres of Christmas lights, along with Santa Clause, popcorn, hot chocolate, popcorn, smores, fire pits. It is really a neat experience for the kids. I think Teddy will be too small and it will be too cold to take him this year but hopefully next year!

Day 8 - A Photo that Makes you Angry or Sad

Nuff said...

Aug 7 - A Photo that makes me Happy

Questionable Content - Please don't read this post if you are easily offended!!!!

There are so many photos that make me happy (ultrasound pics, engagement pics, family pics, etc.)



But this one truly makes me laugh. SA was helping me make Christmas Cookies a couple of years ago and this is what he came up with. This just starts to illustrate his sense of humor!!!

Aug 6 - 20 of my Favorite Things

These are in no particular order!!!

1. DVR
2. iPod
3. Sleep Number Bed
4. Ride on the Pontoon on a beautiful sunny warm day
5. White Berry Mocha Cooler (but can be warm too!) (Decaf of course!)
6. SA and his sense of humor and the ways he shows that he loves me every day!
7. My Ber.nina
8. My animals, even though they annoy me, they still bring a smile to my face!
9. This baby! He has brought me so much joy in my womb, I can't wait to see what he brings when he actually arrives!
10. Air Conditioning
11. My family, again even though they annoy me, they still bring a smile to my face!
12. My close friends who take care of me as much as I take care of them!
13. Diet Pe.psi (Oh how I miss regular dt. pep.si, nothing like the burn of the first swallow. Can't get that with decaf!)
14. Pedicures and Manicures (Nothing like having someone pamper you!)
15. My little (15 years old!) calling me Sissy!!!!
16. Having someone else wax my eyebrows! (I could never figure out how to properly shape them!)
17. Kh.ans - Awesome Mongolian Barbeque!!!!
18. The Twin Cities and Minnesota in general! Can I just say now that I am a true Minnesotan at heart and can't imagine living anywhere else and loving it as much as I do here!
19. My sleep = I love to sleep and I am going to be losing a lot of it very soon!
20. My lap.band - I may have had issues with fill levels but it allowed me to lose a lot of weight and allow me to conceive this baby!

More Mamma Drama....

Not sure if I posted this or not but my mom is getting a divorce. I didn't particularly like her soon to be ex husband but the day he moved out the boyfriend moved in. Don't agree with it but have had to learn to accept it. The boyfriend is unemployed and has been for quite sometime. So she has had to support a house she can't pay for, BB (15 year old brother) and the boyfriend. Money has been tight for her and we have tried to help out where we can. I have my first baby shower this weekend and she is invited. She told me last week that she wasn't sure what kind of money she would have to buy me a gift so she was wondering if I could bring the quilt that she made for the baby. I told her that I already planned on it. Come to find out, she bought herself a fricking i.pad for her birthday. Those f'ing things start at $499! On top of this her boyfriend has the nerve to ask us to go out to dinner for her birthday but he can only afford to pay for himself and her and asked if we could pay for BB.

I am so angry and hurt right now!

Aug 5 - Favorite Quote

This one is easy... "Time to pull up the big girl panties and deal with it." It's so easy for me to break down or bury my head in the sand when things get going rough. I have to tell myself to "pull up the big girl panties" to remind myself that I am an adult and let's be frank, God doesn't put anything in our path that we can't handle which leads to my other favorite quote.... "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

From the title of my blog, you would guess that we have gotten a lot of curve balls thrown our way, but at the same time, we are very blessed with friends and families and this new baby. This bad luck didn't kill us, but it certainly made us that much stronger and allows us to see the blessing in our life.

Aug 4 - Favorite Book

Wow another one to narrow down. I have a ton of Favorite Authors!

Jan.et Evano.vich and the Stephan.ie Pl.um series. Every need a good laugh, these will give it to you.
V.C. And.rews - Creepy wierd books but again definitely good.
Jenni.fer Chia.verini - The Elm Cre.ek Qui.lts - Stories about women and their quilts
Step.hanie Me.yer - The Twilight Series - I could not put those damn books down and read each one in a day or two.

I also like the Harlequin Romance books. Go figure, sex does it for me everytime in books. (Real life is another story!)

Aug 3 - Favorite Television Program

Let's just get this out there. My name is TA and I am a reality t.v. junkie, especially T.L.C!

Kat.e + 8, Lit.tle Pe.ople B.ig Wo.rld, Lit.tle Cou.ple, Ca.ke Bos.s. Those are all on my D.V.R. right now. I also watch the Big.gest Los.er, C.S.I. (The original only), Surv.ivor, Gl.ee, Amer.ican I.dol (not sure how I feel about the upcoming changes!) D.W.T.S. etc.

SA calls them all junk but hey that's ok, he doens't have to watch them!!!!

Aug 2 - Favorite Movie

This is a hard one for me to narrow down. Heck I have almost 200 movies on my iPod, ranging from Big Business


to



I tend to watch movies over and over again to go to sleep. I can't watch movies that I have never seen or haven't seen for a while because then I actually "watch" them.

My favorite movie varies from day to day, week to week, month to month. I suppose right now, anything to do with babies would be the theme right now. (No surprise there!) So I would have to say "Baby Mama" or "Look Who's Talking"

Sebastian

Sebastian is my Russian Blue cat who is about 11 years old. Since I have become pregnant he has become OCD with me. If I am at the computer desk, he is sitting in front of the keyboard. If I am on the couch, he is laying in my arms like a baby! If I am in the bedroom (they are not allowed) he howls at the closed door. I love him to pieces but man, I am not sure how he is going to act with the baby. They told us during birthing classes, that our animals know that we are pregnant, they can smell the hormones (or something like that.) He is declawed and I am not to concerned about him hurting Teddy but I am afraid he is going to be very jealous of this little one!

Aug 1 - Favorite Song

My favorite song right now is Michael Buble - "Haven't Met You Yet". It was originally written for his fiance but for some reason, I have equated it to Teddy. Every time I hear this song, I just start balling. We waited so long for this little one and here we are 55 days away from my due date. Just read the lyrics and see if you hear what I hear!!!!

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
In love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh, you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah, I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh, promise you, kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
(I just haven't met you yet)
Love, love, love, love
Love, love
I just haven't met you yet

Something to get me Blogging

Found this on another blog and think I might actually have to try this... Might actually keep my mind of the temp starting at work on Monday...

Day 1 - your favourite song


Day 2 - your favourite movie

Day 3 - your favourite television program

Day 4 - your favourite book

Day 5 - your favourite quote

Day 6 - 20 of my favourite things

Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy

Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad

Day 9 - a photo you took

Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you

Day 11 - a photo of you recently

Day 12 - something you are OCD about

Day 13 - a fictional book

Day 14 - a non-fictional book

Day 15 - your dream house

Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)

Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding

Day 19 - a talent of yours

Day 20 - a hobby of yours

Day 21 - a recipe

Day 22 - a website

Day 23 - a youtube video

Day 24 - where I live

Day 25 - your day, in great detail

Day 26 - your week, in great detail

Day 27 - my worst habit

Day 28 - whats in my handbag/purse

Day 29 - hopes,dreams and plans for the next 365 days

Day 30 - a dream for the future

Ultrasound 07/22/10

Ultrasound went really well today. Teddy is approximately 3lbs 13ozs, right where he should be. Yes, I had them double check to make sure he was a boy (and he most definitely is as evidenced by the pictures below.) He is currently sitting breech. (YEAH! NOT!!!!!) The doctor told me that he looks absolutely perfect and is right where he should be for size.

Scrotum

Penis (Under the word male)

Leg Streteched out - Foot by Face

Skeletol Face (As Tech put it)

Arm - Hands by Face

I will try to be a better blogger....

Things have been so uneventful around here, I haven't had much to post about. Unlike so many other bloggers out there, I can't seem to come up with blog topics. I hope to remedy this but in the mean time, thanks for sticking with me!

Infertile vs Fertile

I read a lot of infertility blogs and it has gotten me wondering, am I an infertile or a fertile? SA was the one diagnosed with azoospermia, I was the one that got pregnant on our first try with DS. We waited 7 years for this baby, I looked longingly at the pregnant ladies and all the babies, I wondered when our turn would be. I had bariatric surgery because I was sure the issue was with me and knew that I wouldn't be treated at my pre-surgery size. I felt like an infertile for so many years but my question is, do I have a "right" to label myself that way? Technically, I can't. I didn't have to take medication, I didn't have a monitored cycle, I got pregnant very easily on our first try and have had a very easy pregnancy. I am blessed, I know that and that is a fact that I don't take for granted for even a second. However, it doesn't take away the fact that I felt like an "infertile" for so long. So, just because my DH isn't producing any sperm, does that make me an infertile?

Things that make you go hmmmmm....

I feel bad for SA

Soooo SA and I have agreed from the very beginning that the baby will know that he came from DS. We aren't going to make a big deal about it and the DS will NEVER be referred to as a father parent or anything remotely close. He will always be known as the DS. We were also going to make sure whatever information we had on the DS would be made availabe to the baby. Since I am scrapbooking the baby's baby book, I included a simple two pages that included the childhood photo, the silouhette, the medical profile and the personal profile. No titles no nothing. I told SA about the page and he was upset all of sudden. Now no one outside our immediate family and a few of my close friends know about DS. Apparently the guys at his work have been giving him a hard time, asking him if he was sure the kid was his. It's a guy thing but seriously, why in the hell would you ask someone that. Now because of these assholes, he is not sure what he wants to do. UGH! I think not being able to feel the baby makes it a little more difficult. Whenever he comes running to feel the baby, of course its nap time and the show is over. Hopefully once the baby gets here, this too will change but it makes me worry a titch.

A New Blogger

Please stop in and say "Hello" to Infertile Myrtle a friend from my FF Zero Sperm Count group. She is starting her blog journey while working through her IVF disappointments.

30 Week Doctor's Appointment

What a morning! Because I failed my one hour glucose screening the first time (12 weeks) and passed my three hour, my ob wanted me to go straight to the three hour. Fine no problem, except that she didn't put the order in. If you all know clinics and I am sure you do, they won't do anything without an order. Finally got the go ahead and it took the dumb tech three differents spots to get my first blood draw. Then came the wonderful sugar drink that you have to drink within 5 minutes. With the lapband and good restriction (think of a small funnel) I can't drink anything that fast and it ended up coming back up. Ack!!!!

So the new plan is, because of my restricted diet (1 cup of food at meal times) we are going to monitor my blood sugar at my appointments. As long as they are were they need to be, she isn't going to worry about making me try to drink that crap. Yeah...

On a side note, she is due in October and unless I go early she won't be delivering me. The chances she would delivery me was 1 in 7 (all the doctors in the clinic take a 24 hour rotation) so it's not a big deal but man what I wouldn't do for a small town doctor at this point.

I get to see baby bear again in 4 weeks when we are going to do another ultrasound to see how big he has gotten.

I also thought it was kinda funny that I just started going to this clinic at the beginning of the year. However, the lab tech remembers me pre-surgery and thought it was great that I had lost a lot of weight. HAHAHA must be a different patient.

Anyone else have this conversation?

My Brain vs. Bladder

My brain seems to be losing this one lately.... I am sure it will only get worse!

What a way to start Monday....

Ok so my mom is going through a nasty divorce, while her live-in boyfriend fixes her house up in hopes to sell. She doesn't have a lot of money and I am fully aware of that. The ONLY thing I wanted from her for this baby was a quilt. She has all the fabric in her stash and I bought the pattern for her. The only thing she has to do is give up her time. I bought the pattern two months ago and she hasn't picked out the fabric yet. This is the quilt that I want to bring the baby home with and it's going to take sometime. Side note: She was going to make a quilt for my nephew that is 18 months now and hasn't even started that one.

Anyways, this morning, she was bemoaning the fact on how hard life is right now and she is just under so much pressure and trying hard not to let herself get down. And I truly try to stay neutral and be there for her. With that in mind, I asked her if she would still have time to do the quilt and if not, let me know and I will make it myself.

This is the response I got:


Evidently, you have some expectations of me that I am not living up to. Unfortunately, since I don't know what those are, I am sure to fail.
I'm not sure what this morning was all about, but I have every intention to make the quilt, and get it done, prior to the baby being born. In fact, my goal was the end of August. I did not realize you wanted it sooner than that, or my not getting it made immediately somehow implies that I'm not excited about the birth.

No worries. The quilt will get done. With what has gone on today, I'm sure receiving it will no longer be a joyous event, but it will be made. In fact, regardless of what else that might need to be done, or how my back and knee feels, I will spend every extra moment that I have at home, working on it, until I can place it safely in your hands. I am so sorry I am such a disappointment both as a mother and grandmother.

According to her last response, this wasn't meant to be mean and hurtful and she is sorry that I took it that way... Ummm yeah, did I totally take this wrong? I don't think so. There are some days where I am really starting to "hate" my mother who use to be my best friend.

The Good with the Bad....

Last night we went to pick up a gift for a birthday party last night. At the store, there was a mother bribing her screaming (and I do mean screaming) daughter with bubbles to get her to stop. The little girl wouldn't stop and the mom wouldn't give up. At this point, there was nothing in the cart, and we wondered why you wouldn't take the child out of the store and take her home. Not exactly the most convenient but this little girl could not be consoled. We continued to walk through the store and they basically "followed" us through the store. So as we are trying to find a gift, we are listening to this screaming. Much like the scream technique, I am sooooo not ready to listen to this baby scream and cry. It makes me uncomfortable, not sure why. It's never like I have never been around a crying baby before, heck, I was BB's primary daycare for the first year of his life. Not sure if it is because, SA and I will be 100% responsible for Teddy and we "can't send him home with his parents" or what the deal is. I really hope that I can get over this soon.

As we are leaving, there was another little girl, cute as a button, walking through with her mom. She was getting a cute flower headband and a butterfly net. She was soooo excited because the net "was the biggest she had ever seen." Those moments are the ones that I am ready for. I can't wait to make memories with Teddy. Can't wait to watch him get excited over the little things in life, can't wait for him to experience all his "firsts."

Gotta ;earn to take the good and the bad!

Ummmm....Someone forgot to tell me babies were expensive....

I think since we in the infertile land have to pay someone to get us knocked up, we should get a lot of the baby essentials for free! We registered at Tar.get and B.abys R. U.S and all I have to say is "Holy PocketBook Batman"... Ever where we went, they kept telling us to register for stuff that we anticipate needing for several years. We couldn't do it. We really went with what we would need for the first year. SA still feels guilty and greedy about it because there is soooo much stuff that we need. I just hope that we have very generous friends and family, however, in this rough economic times, I really don't know what to expect.

Nursery Pictures

View as you come in the door of the nursery.


View of the crib (the fabric in the crib will eventually be the crib ruffle.)

Mother Goose Cards hanging above the crib.

Other end of the crib (You can see the closet and the door)

The rocker (with a quilt that I made using my grandma's singer that she got as a wedding gift) and a bookshelf with a few books from my childhood.

The Mother Goose quilt I made over the changing table.

Another view of the changing table with stuff that my sister has given me.

The dresser with nick knack shelves above.

All I have left to do is make the crib ruffle and finish the mother goose cross stitch that I have, which won't be done until after the baby is born because we need birth info.

Overall I am pretty happy with the room and feel very comfortable in it myself. Of course after it is all done, my MIL brings up the fact that it might be overstimulating for the baby. That's what you get when you have a MIL that works for the inner city school district with special needs. Oh well, all I can hope is that the baby and I can enjoy the room together.

How sick am I....

One of my favorite movies... This is what I think of every time the baby moves. How sick am I?

Spaceballs - Alien Scene

Well, we found out...

It's a boy! Theod.ore Pe.ter (named after SA's grandfather and stepdad). There is no denying that this kid is a boy, so there won't be any surprises later. This kid is big - 1lb 4oz - at 22 weeks. Thank goodness we could talk to my ob right after and know that they won't let him get to terribly big. However, reading on Dr. Goo.gle, there seems to be a lot of error with ultrasound weights, which might be in our favor. She is very emphatic that I not have a c-section because of my weight (and weight loss i.e. extra skin and such) and will do everything she can to get me through natural child birth. The scary thing is that she looks like she is due about the same time as me. So now I am wondering if she will even be around to get me through natural child birth. Why do OB's have to go and get pregnant? LOL, oh well, even if she wasn't due then, she wouldn't necessarily be the one to deliver me anyways. Fun stuff... Guess it could be soooooooooo much worse!

Today we have our 5th Ultrasound...

Our 2nd big one where we can find out gender. Up until recently we have been pretty adamant about not finding out. After this weekend, not so sure. We tried shopping for gender neutral stuff at garage sales and Onc.e Up.on A Chi.ld and it was hard. It's either boy stuff or girl stuff. As SA said, "in the olden days" when no one found out what they were having, it was much easier. So I think we may cave and find out today.

Totally FREAKIN Out....

I read on one of my IF boards or maybe even a blog about the cry technique for the animals. You play a baby crying (like from u.tu.be) and get the animals use to the noise. It did not freak the animals out but it sure freaked me out. Thank goodness I have four more months left of the pregnancy so that I can do the cry technique with me. Please don't get me wrong, this baby is very wanted and very loved but somehow I "forgot" about the crying. Don't ask me how, I was there when BB was born and I was his daycare for his first year, but somehow I "forgot" about the crying. The video literally sent me into a panic. I am going to be 100% (ok with SA too) for this baby's care. I can't send it away when I can't handle the crying anymore, I will be the one waking up in the middle of the night to sooth, comfort, change and feed our baby. I get it and will have to be "ready" whether or not I want to be. But I am truly panicked. How am I going to do this? I didn't get the nickname "Princess" or have personalized plates that said "All About Me" for no reason. Please someone, tell me this is normal, that it is ok for me to be panicked and that it doesn't make me a bad person.

Oh and as a side note, it is freaking SA out that I am freaking out about the crying. Great! Now lets have a household of freaked out people, but the animals are fine. Grreeaaatttt!!!!

I am so angry!!!!

Have any of you heard of D.onna Sim.pson? Go.ogle her... She is attempting to become the worlds fattest mom. Cuurently at 600+lbs, her goal is 1,000!!!!! She has a two children, one of which she had at 500+, and her husband supports her goal 100%. WTF is wrong with these people. What are they going to tell her children when she dies? On top of this, she is doing a radio tour and then hangs up when asked about the irresponsibility of this!?!?! OMG! I am a plus size woman myself and not a small one but would NEVER think about doing this to my family! For Petes sake I had weight loss surgery so that I could be healthy to carry this child!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Nothing new on this front....

The pregnancy is moving along nicely, knock on wood. I like to think I am a positive person, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I read so many other blogs where it has and I just can't believe our "luck" so far. Other than migraines which I suffered from before I got pregnant, I really have been healthy and felt "unpregnant." That is until I get a big kick(s) to remind me that I am. I am totally grateful for the lack of events and even feel guilty that we have been this lucky. We got pregnant on our first try and we are 21 weeks with no catastrophes of any sort. I thank God everyday for this chance but still wonder when the shoe is going to drop. All I know is that we have three more weeks and then we are viable. No shoe dropping until then and preferably for 16 weeks after that.

Sorry for the ramblings!

Ultrasound Pictures

Spinal Cord

Profile

Nose & Lips

Baby Face Down

Feet

Back side of baby

Baby looks good... Measuring right for the due date... 9ozs, very active little bugger... I get to go back in a month, they couldn't get good pictures of the heart because baby is laying face down and a mover